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Slow Readers, ace musicians (yes we have used a very similar headline before, so what?)

Submitted by on May 10, 2018 – 12:18 pmNo Comment


The Slow Readers Club have this week released their third album and are finally getting a bit of ‘attention’ from people other than music fans in Manchester.

Course You Can Malcolm, the club night in the afternoon that takes place before some FC United of Manchester games, had the privilege of hosting them back in 2012. Yes, 2012. That is six years ago. They were great then, as they are now. The always-on-the-pulse Manchester Evening News named them ‘best breakthrough act’ this year. That is 2018. We are not sure what they broke through. Maybe they were too slow reading a road sign and ploughed through some of those plastic hurdle-type things they put up when people are working in the road? Maybe they did it outside the Evening News’ office in Oldham and that’s when they realised who they were?

Since that appearance in Bury FC’s weird ‘side bar’, they have gone on to release two other albums, get signed by the Modern Sky UK label and sold out The Albert Hall in town.

Their new album is called Build a Tower and it is ace. Further details about the band, all United fans, including where to buy the album, is available here.

Here is that interview again:

Q. You played Course You Can Malcolm. How was it?
Quality. The crowd gave us a warm welcome, they were all keen to listen and we sold a decent amount of CDs, so hopefully that means people liked the stuff.

Q. Where does the name come from? Is it because some of you are related to Edi Reader?
Unfortunately we’re not related to Edi Reader. We just can’t read quickly.

Q. What do you think of FC United of Manchester?
We’ve got nothing but respect for the club. You had nothing a few years back and now there’s a full blown proper football club with fans, stadium plans and all that. We don’t actively follow the club but with us all being United fans, we are always aware of what’s going on here and it’s quality.

Q. Q. What do you think about assignment help services?
Yeah, I`ve used them when I had no time to finish my work.

Q. If you were blues do you think you would have called yourself the ‘greatest, fastest, immensest readers’?
No. If we were blues the band wouldn’t exist because we’d be too busy trying to get out of Blackburn from the time when 2million of us were on the big hill outside Ewood Park.

Q. How do you think Manchester’s doing music-wise at the moment?
Manchester is a bit bobbins at the moment. We don’t mean that the bands aren’t good, it’s just that there’s no decent scene anymore. You used to be able to do gigs at loads of different nights and the number of nights seems to be dropping. CYCM is where it’s at…

Q. When you see the big painted sign on the road saying ‘slow’ at junctions, are you ever tempted to jump out of your motor car and latch a bit on?
Do people call cars “motor cars?” Anyway, we don’t do motorways, just A roads and canals.

Q. Did you burn your mouth on the tater hash?
No. It was just right. Isobel did a great job with it.


Q. Have you ever jibbed into a United game?
Yep. The Champions League final being the most recent one. Quality jib.

Q. As a percentage, how many of you are circumcised?
25% of the band members, which equates to about 10% of our cumulative foreskin.

Q. If you had to lose an ear, which one would it be? And why, obviously….
Pardon? What? Sorry? Say again..

Q. When was the last time you saw someone sken-eyed? And have you heard the saying ‘skens like a basket of whelks’?
We only speak English mate…

Q. Have you ever done a sneeze that smelt like sandpaper/the inside of a leather bag?
No. Well… not in the past two months.

Q. Who’s got the fittest Mam?
None of us. They all have faces like stuntmen’s knees.

Q. Of all the radiator types, which one is your favourite?
You can’t beat a bay window shaped double Rad with integrated TRVs. Quality.

Q. If you had to, to save the reputation of the band, would you use a dried dog’s lipstick as a plectrum?
Have you been looking at our gear??

Q. There’s a section of Mancunians that call umbrellas ‘nellies’. Are you with us?
No. Nellies are something completely different where we’re from.


Q. In what circumstances would you consider having a swallow tattoo?
If we met the right woman I’m sure we’d all love a cheeky swallow.

Q. If Rita from Coro asked you to push her prolapse back in, what would be the lowest price you’d request?
We’d be willing to bid £100 for the privilege.

Q. Have you ever put cheese on a Malt loaf?
No. We’ve never met the fat tw4t.

Q. Your debut album’s out, you’ve played CYCM, what’s next for The Slow Readers Club?
We have more gigs being added to our website (www.theslowreadersclub.co.uk) every week and we have a couple of more singles being released in February/March/April before the national release of our Album. It’s a busy period but we’re looking forward to it.

Q. Wu Lyf (who’ve also played CYCM) have just been on the David Letterman show. Are you going to get on Conan O’Brien in a battle of one-upmanship?
We’re aiming higher….. Loose Women is where it’s at.

Q. How long do you think it will take to read this interview once it’s done?
The same time it takes to have a big poo. (Excluding wiping).

Interview: J Walter Weatherman and the Frillies. Pictures: Matt Wilkinson

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