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CYCM 12/04/14: The End is Pie

Submitted by on April 9, 2014 – 8:11 pmNo Comment

Bury’s a fun place, isn’t it? There’s always loads going on. Take this Saturday, for example, where a quick peruse of Bury council’s website will show exactly what I’m on about. Fancy an afternoon roller disco or an open diving session? Then Castle Leisure Centre on Bolton Street is the place for you. How about a bit of retail therapy? You’ve got three (yes, three) retail parks to choose from. What about some black pudding or a singing Big Mouth Billy Bass? Then get yourself to the World Famous Bury Market! Of course, there’s something else of note going on this Saturday, and I’m not just referring to the easter egg hunt at the Fusilier Museum on Moss Street. No, something much more monumental: FC United of Manchester’s last ever Saturday home game at Bury.

Roller D

I was going to tell you about how it’s a good thing we’re leaving, as Starkies has had an extreme makeover and looks like the unholy love child of an Apple store and Stringfellows, but I’d planned that before the Chorley game. Having just got in now, I’m still on a ridiculous high, I’ve hurt my shins and back from a truly marvellous goon, I’ve hugged and been hugged, I’ve still got a daft grin on my face, and I’d rather indulge myself and share that instead. So cheers for letting me do that.

But anyway, football talk in a Malcolms preview is all very unseemly, so moving swiftly on, here’s what’s in store for this Saturday:

10:30 Can the Oddies last to the end of the season without doing their backs in from all that lifting? Bookies won’t take bets. Because they don’t really care

11:30 Mike Noodle cares about animals though, as for the last time on a Saturday his home-made veggie pizza and veggie hotdogs grace the Starkies white room

12:00 Doors open

12:15 Dave Frilly, following a failed attempt to bottle the slavver-inducing scent of Westwells, reluctantly takes the cheese and onion pies and tater ‘ash out of his car for the CYCM faithful to enjoy

2:00 Taking You Round The Corner- There’s lies, damn lies, and then there’s downright nonsense. This falls in the latter category

2:20 The Second System- see below

3:00 Get outside and cheer the boys, whilst not singing ‘Come On Cheer the Boys’. You’re better than that

3:45 Get back in to make more precious Starkies memories. It’s not like you’ll have many more chances….


Didn’t think we’d have any music on this week? Well you couldn’t be more wrong. This week’s musical offerings come from two piece The Second System, who say they’re  a “musical project consisting of James Watson and Liam Caly, our influences range from Bob Dylan to Bob Marley and everything inbetween”. They’ll be performing an acoustic set for us with a heady mix of their own stuff and some covers. For once, we won’t have a bemused band wondering what they’re doing playing in Bury on a Saturday afternoon, as Liam’s an FC fan and his Dad works on the turnstiles. He’ll probably have a post-Chorley glow like the rest of us, so you’ll know who he is when he comes in. Thanks once again goes to Reet of Little Red Productions for getting them on for us, especially as we were going to get Footy Scott onto the microphone to share his many witty anecdotes about the zany world of football. He’s a right hoot (sarcasm fully intended).

The Second System

We also welcome back our old friend, the fib-laden quiz Taking You Round The Corner. It took a break last time so it could reconnect with itself spiritually or something like that, so it’s absolutely itching to get out there and start lying to the Malcs crowd once again. This week’s edition is Buxton related (what with them being our opponents, an’ all), so get yourself well read on Buxton facts and separate the truth from the porkies.

The finest stall in Bury? You know it

The finest market stall in Bury? You know it

We’ll also have soon to be redundant market stall holder Stu From The Bay. Rest assured he’s not letting the fact he’ll have to visit car boot sales around North Wales to make money stop him from hawking his wares to us just yet. His usual selection of fanzines, programmes, books, hats, t-shirts and possibly more will be on offer as always, and if you haven’t seen his programme holders yet, you quite frankly, haven’t lived. Sort it out.

So that, in a particularly easy to crack nutshell, is this week’s Malcolms. Our time in Bury may be near an end, but we’re not going down without a fight, or without making snide remarks about their fake leather upholstery. Of course we’ve still got Easter Monday’s Malcolms to come, but more about all that in due course. Oh yeah, and there could always be the play-offs, which would be another Saturday, meaning everything written here is utter claptrap, but no doubt you were already painfully aware of that….

Two. Ecky thump.

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