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Remit to the bored – CYCM 02.09.2017

Submitted by on August 31, 2017 – 11:26 amNo Comment

Red Rebels cover

Remit to the bored – Course You Can Malcolm returns to bring you a little sub-terrace Leamington sparkle.

It’s probably fair to say that our red shirted heroes don’t have a great record against teams from spa towns. Back in our Northern Premier League days Buxton were a perennial thorn in our side, with us never managing to beat them at Gigg Lane. And their Derbyshire rivals Matlock were tricky opponents too; the only time we came back up the A6 with three points was that sweaty April afternoon when Ben Deegan went in nets.

Whilst more recently Harrogate Town have thumped us 5-0 and then dumped us out of the FA Cup last season after earning a replay with an equaliser in the thirty sixth minute of injury time. So as we prepare, perhaps with a little trepidation, to welcome the team from Leamington Spa to Broadhurst Park for the first time we thought it would be best to assuage any likely spa town blues with a little pre-match sparkle in the form of the first Course You Can Malcolm of the season.

Yes folks, Malcolmses is back for another season. In fact, our CYCM archivists have informed us that it is almost exactly a decade since the very first CYCM (on the 8th September 2007 to be precise). Ten years eh? Bloody hell. Which means that with our two year sabbatical this will be the ninth season that this unique match day event will once again be playing its much cherished part in nourishing our football club both financially and culturally. And those ten years have, coincidentally, been bookended by matches against spa town teams. Back in 2007 Harrogate Railway Athletic were the visitors on the day of the very first CYCM and, despite the doom and gloom above, we beat them 2-0. That’s got to be a good sign hasn’t it?

This season there’s a new look to CYCM as we’ve migrated from the Main Stand function room (they need more space for the new match day dining arrangements) and sought refuge in the bowels of the St Mary’s Road End. Refugees we may be but, like all immigrants, we aim to enrich our new surroundings and certainly don’t come empty hearted as we bring along our assortment of gaffer tape, clothes pegs, plastic bowls, flags and red cabbage. And not forgetting Steve Spencer.

Food-wise we will have Westwell’s tater ash, cheese pies and possibly a cake or two to nourish you but rumours of the veggie hot dogs in a kettle becoming FC United’s official vegetarian sausage partner have, sadly, been misplaced. Entertainment-wise although it does have a tendency to feel a bit ice station zebra under the SMRE, even in the warmer months, we‘re confident that we’ve got a packed line-up to warm your cockles. So water we waiting for, read on to find out how it all might or might not pan out;

11:00 The Oddies arrive in Moston and begin the all-important tasks of assembling the stage and gaffer taping flags up under the SMRE.

12:00 Doors open
Turnstiles will open at the St. Mary’s Road End at 12 noon for fans wishing to attend CYCM. So please use these turnstiles rather than accessing the ground via the main entrance.

12.30 Si kicks things off.
Not kicks things off as in things kicking off but more a gentle Veron-like caressing of the microphone and a brief description of what’s likely to occur in the next two and a half hours or so.

12.35 An author speaks
The annual Manchester Football Writing Festival is on again in town so we thought it would be timely to indulge in some literary goings on at Malcolmses. It’s probably not escaped your attention that John-Paul O’Neill has written a book called Red Rebels and with us being reds of a mildly rebellious nature we’ve invited him along to talk about his book and answer any questions. Or do a “Q&A” as the latte-sipping, tactics-obsessed JCLs tend to refer to these things. JP was a member of FC United’s original steering committee and also went on to edit the match programme for several years. His book promises the inside story on the fight against the Glazers’ takeover of MUFC and the formation of FC United and the turmoil of recent years. It’s unlikely to be dull. The book’s not due out until later this month so we’re getting a sneakier than sneak preview. And for those who can’t wait to begin turning the pages, JP will be bringing along some copies for sale at Malcolmses.

1.00 Level Playing Field
As well as being the occasion of the first Malcolmses of the new season, Saturday will also see FC United stage its very first disabled supporters’ day to mark the official launch of the club’s disabled supporters’ group led by Roy Williamson. There are a range of events taking place on and off the pitch to mark this occasion including a guest speaker from the charity Level Playing Field which campaigns on behalf of disabled sports fans. We thought it would be nice to invite Level Playing Field along to Malcolmses as well to say a few words about the wonderful work that they do and their involvement with FC United.

1.45 Claire Mooney
Claire MooneyIn an interview with the Manchester Evening News last year local musician Claire Mooney reckoned that everyone knows what they want to be by the time they are nine years old. Some of us wanted to be Jimmy Greenhoff but that didn’t quite work out. Apparently a nine year old Claire wanted to be a singer-songwriter and, despite grafting as a housing officer for several years, she eventually followed her passion and became theatre manager at the Abraham Moss Centre in Crumpsall where she began writing and singing her own songs. She has been described by those in-the-know as a “radical chanteuse” and “the numero uno female singer-songwriter in town” and much of her material is inspired by Manchester’s radical past and present. Football-wise she describes herself as a red and an FC supporter “I like what they stand for. A decent honest community club, salt of the earth stuff and the passion of the fans is just incredible”. Sounds like Claire will fit right in so give her a warm Malcolmses welcome.

2.20 Winachi Tribe Winachi
And as if one talented musician isn’t enough for one afternoon, hot footing it to Broadhurst Park from appearing at the Lindisfarne Festival the day before, we’re delighted to announce that the Winachi Tribe will be playing for us as well. Described as a “lyrically explosive, musically eclectic, electro-funk hybrid” the six piece from Warrington and Leeds will be bringing their psychedelic hypnotic beats to Malcolmses for the first time. They’ve been around for a few years now and were formerly known as China White but decided to rebrand as they were struggling to find a promoter due to the name’s association with, er, drugs and stuff. Anyway, we think you’re in for another twenty two minutes of pre-match aural pleasure.

3.00 Our red shirted heroes spring into action against Leamington

Sounds alright doesn’t it? And we’ll probably have some of the regular stuff going on like raffles and quizzes if time allows. Hopefully we’ll see you there and, if so, come and wish us a happy tenth birthday. Till then….

CYCM’s new home is under the St Mary’s Road End terrace. We’ll have about half of the space under there (at the end furthest from the Main Stand) so if you’ve just read all this and think it sounds bobbins, then one end of the SMRE space will be partitioned off so you can enjoy a pint without having to indulge in any of this nonsense. Entrance to CYCM is free, just head to the turnstiles at the far end of the St Mary’s Road End of the ground but try and get there as early as possible as we’re anticipating it’s going to get busy. Usual rules apply: no divviness or nuclear weapons. Refugees are welcome.

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