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Don’t draw a cock

Submitted by on June 7, 2017 – 12:50 pmNo Comment
Dodgy Dave

Dodgy Dave

General elections. Love them or loathe them it looks like they’re here to stay and there’s one on Thursday. Even though I’ve voted in every election since being old enough it’s sometimes hard to be arsed in Manchester Central cos labour always piss it.

The papers renamed our constituency ‘Apathy Central’ after the piss poor 18% turnout for the by-election win by Lucy Powell in 2012. Various reasons are given but many round our way believe their vote makes no difference. You know that saying that goes “you could pin a red rosette on a donkey and it would win round here”? That’s here. It’s a one horse donkey race. In fact you could pin a red rosette on a bag of dog turd and it would still win round here. We tried it last time and Lucy Powell won…naaahahahahahahaha.

I’ve not voted labour in recent years cos an old acquaintance of mine started appearing on the ballot paper during the Blair years. Ron “hit-the-gates” Sinclair stood a few times for the Socialist Labour Party. Ron was a UCATT union official and we gave him his nickname after he regularly encouraged the members to take impromptu strike action whilst officials from EETPU and AEU shit themselves and promptly disassociated themselves from Ron’s advice – for legal reasons. It was good to be able to vote for a true Labour bloke who obviously despaired at the Toryfication of the party.

Sadly for Ron’s Socialist Labour, in a People’s Front of Judea type scenario, the left vote was proper diluted by the likes of the Communist Party, the Communist League, the Socialist Equality Party, Trade Unionists and Socialist Coalition, Respect and the Workers’ Revolutionary Party. As a result Hit-the Gates hit the skids and lost his deposits as New Labour/New Tory romped home. I reckon Ron will be back in the fold now that J.C. is at the helm.

Labour have not always had it so easy round here though. Jimmy Savile’s odd wrong-un bessie pal Dave Eager stood here in 1983 for the Conservatives and commanded a whopping 21% of the vote limiting Labour to a mere 19,000 majority. The Tory vote drastically declined after that to around 8% but last time out they managed a mini resurgence with an impressive 13%…Why though Dimbleby?… Xingang Wang P’tang Kipperbang…that’s why…In an amazing masterstroke they fielded a candidate by the name of Xingang Wang. What a fucking belting name. He’s standing again on Thursday. He’s not going to win. He’s no fucking chance but imagine if he was red? On election day we could all sing “we’re havin a Xingang, we’re havin a ball, we’re havin a Xingang, against the wall… we’d love you to join us, it’s part of the fun, oh a Xingang Wang’s the thing to do we’d like to give you one”.

I might be voting Labour again on Thursday in support of JayCee but I can’t be certain. See every time I get in the voting booth I get the urge to draw a cock on the ballot paper. It’s worse this time cos a family member has appointed me as a proxy. It’s double temptation to draw a cock. It’s wrong I know. People have died etc… but would it really make a difference round here? Labour will piss it again.

It’s childish but what harm could one cock out of the two votes do? It’s only one comedy penis amongst 30,000 Labour votes. In fact what harm would two cocks in the box do? Labour are gonna piss it round here anyway. Imagine being bored out of your skull at the Town Hall counting Manchester Central votes? A big pile for Judas Powell, a smaller pile for Cyril Smith’s party, another small pile for Xingang (altogether now “we’re havin a Xingang, we’re havin a ball, we’re havin a Xingang, against the wall…”) and then suddenly a cock drawing comes out of the ballot box and then another cock and balls with a couple of odd pubes and a dotted squirt line. It’d make your fucking night.

I might get away with drawing a cock or two (not a parrot – two cocks with bollocks etc.) here but don’t draw a cock if you’re in a marginal though. Put an X in the box that might bring us the hope of a bit of proper socialism.

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