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Let’s have some Grime blaring out of 10 Downing Street…

Submitted by on June 5, 2017 – 7:32 amNo Comment


I love elections, me. I mean, really love them, probably on a par with Michael Gove’s love of injecting seal blubber into his lips. Political heavyweights going toe to toe on TV, Tim Farron’s eyebrows, strong and stable clichés, Theresa May’s android husband; it’s exhilarating stuff. So much so, I’ve felt inspired to celebrate this glorious time in our nation’s history via the medium of poetic verse. And what could be more of a fitting tribute to such noble endeavours than that most noble of all poetic devices, the limerick? Here, dear reader, is my ode to the general election of 2017:

There once was a party called the Tories,

Of whom there are many awful stories,

If you’re wondering why,

I’m not going to lie,

It’s because they’re a bunch of working class-hating, tax-avoiding, arms-dealing, benefits-slashing, Sure Start-closing, NHS-privatising, nuclear weapons-loving, fox hunting-supporting, zero hour contract-enabling, big business tax-cutting, expenses-claiming, grammar school-resurrecting, food bank-denying, Trump-fellating, Murdoch-schmoozing, pig’s head-fucking, mustard coloured pants-wearing bastards. And that’s just for starters.

Seriously though, of the near thirty-six years I’ve spent on this planet, twenty-three of those years have been spent under various Conservative governments, with the other thirteen under New Labour. I’m sick of it, and if you’re reading this, you’re probably sick of it too. A better way, a more just, fairer way, is surely possible. Ignore the Tory smears, and make sure Jeremy Corbyn’s blaring victory Grime out of a Ten Downing Street window next week.

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