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To Hough End in a Handcart

Submitted by on February 15, 2015 – 3:07 pmNo Comment

turdkis

Welcome to Brokebackadhurst Mountain

Finally the bombshell we’ve all been waiting for, but hoped would never drop, exploded this week with the news that there is to be a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender supporters branch at the football club I co-own, FC United of Manchester. Just a couple of months after calls from club officials and members alike, for unity, following the division caused by the communists that run the Course You Can Malcolm coterie and other subversives here at A Fine Lung, we now have another divisive powder keg intent on wrecking everything we stand for. What next? A black supporters branch? So much for the inclusivity promoted by the club. A gay branch promotes exclusivity and if these people truly believed in the club’s founding principles then they would not be discriminating against the hetero membership. If this is the way it’s going to be then we might as well have a branch for hetero bigots or maybe short people or gingers or baldy heads. If I was making this up you’d say I couldn’t! It’s political correctness gone mad!

When I enter a football stadium I leave my sexual propensities at the turnstiles alongside my politics, my hair colour (or state of my head follicles for that matter) and any unfinished cans of Fosters lager I may have. I’m no homophobe. I always say a friendly hello to that short man with the hat and handbag when I see him at the match. I’ve listened to music made by gay people and even sang along to the Tom Robinson Band’s 2-4-6-8 Motorway whenever Tom Tyrell played it to the Stretford End back in the day when gay used to mean happy. My wife also works with a lesbian. But FC stands for Football Club not fetish club. Which part of that sentence do these people not understand?

 

But hang on a minute this is 2015 and this is FC United. We do things differently around here. Don’t we? We can’t ignore the fact that homophobia and bigoted queer bashers exist at FC. A LGBT branch could both educate and help to eradicate this archaic behaviour and sits perfectly with FC’s involvement in the Football v Homophobia (FvH) month of action. The club have designated the home game against Halesowen Town on February 24th as their day of action. Football is so far behind the rest of society on LGBT issues and it is right and proper that FCUM are at the forefront of breaking down the homophobic barriers that infest the game.

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That said, this is a football club for disenfranchised Manchester United supporters not Haringey Town Council. Where does LGBT fit into FCUM’s FPOA*? And what about our children? Hasn’t anybody thought about the children? Most of our junior members still believe in Father Christmas. What do we tell little Johnny when he’s asking what a queer is? Well Mick Turdkis will be telling him God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve that’s what! Whoops-a-daisy I’ve just realised it is LGBTQ not LGBT. The Q stands for queer apparently. Well why not add C to cover cisgender or P for pangender or another B for bigender (big ender?) or HA for hidden a-gender. Because let’s face it this isn’t really about sexuality. The LGBTQs have already admitted to attending CYCM and have travelled on the AFL and Didsbury buses. This has got communist coup written all over it. It’s the usual suspects – the contractor that produces the match day programme, his former board member / steering group mates and the CYCM pinkos who want to run Broadhurst Park. The reds under the FC bed are now using the gays to force through their cultural fascism. Before we know it we’ll have Peter Tatchell turning up at games. Well if this goes ahead we’ll end up with an empty, unsustainable white elephant of a stadium and on our way to Hough End in a handcart. If the homosexual supporters want to belong to a branch then they should jolly well join one of the many normal branches that already exist. To quote one of my fave gay musicians Tom Robinson – “the buggers are legal now, what more are they after?”

*future plan of action

 

 

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