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Winter Olympricks

Submitted by on February 17, 2010 – 10:33 pmOne Comment

It’s an unquestionable truth that skiing is for dicks, posh dicks.  I reckon that snowboarding is probably worse; it’s for posh dicks that wear K Swiss trainers.  Throw in a bit of figure skating for the ladies and some curling for the old folk and what you’ve got there is jamboree with a load of shite sports.  The only thing making the Winter Olympics slightly entertaining is Ice Hockey because I’m led to believe they all leather each other; the bobsleigh and the luge in which recent tragic events must have had a few sickos tuning in for the chance to see someone else slide to their death at 100 miles an hour.

I may take back the bit about skiers being dicks.  I’m having a think and I know three people who regularly go skiing. Of those three, one is from Cheshire and is moving to West Didsbury, he has been known to drink in the Metropolitan as well so although he’s largely a good lad his drinking venue and hometown of choice leans towards dickish tendencies.  Of the other two, one is a largely known for being a pervert so his choice of winter holiday may have more to do with him saving his paper round money on a school trip to Andorra and the memories of finger pie on the back of the coach.  The third one used to blag free skiing holidays with the school where his dad taught and his liking for free stuff once led to him attending the opening of the Yang Sing owners’ new car park so we’ll put his love of the slopes down to his thriftiness.

It’s no surprise really that the Winter Olympics are shite.  As the recent weather quickly proved, snow itself is overrated.  It’s ok at first, it’s a novelty, but after a couple of days it’s just annoying.  The people that are into these Winter sports mainly come from places where it snows a lot, is freezing and is dark for all but twenty minutes of the day.  They make their own entertainment by hurtling down snowy hills or fannying about on a frozen pond.  In the summer months they’re busy spearing whales, shooting bears or clubbing baby seals.  The ones that don’t do this spend the summer months ‘summering’ in St Tropez.  Posh dicks and oddballs.