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Standing Museum

Submitted by on August 17, 2012 – 2:11 pmOne Comment

While investigating the acquirement and proper positioning of A Fine Lung and the book that glows but can not be understood at the National People’s Football Museum Library, I was shocked to discover that this much beloved and acclaimed institution is surrounded by controversy.

Having entered the glass building through the mock turnstiles I traversed the ground floor gallery heading straight for the National People’s Football Museum Library gift shop. Which abounds with wondrous footballing related gifts, all reasonably priced and designed with exceedingly good taste. I rummaged amongst the well-stocked footballing related book shelves and found, I’m certain you’ll be ecstatic to hear, that our excellent periodical is well displayed, in easy reach and positioned just behind is An Undividable Glow.

Feeling satisfied and full of contentment I attempted a speedy exit as raspberry-picking was calling. However, a quick exit was not to be allowed, exiting through the doors is an anathema to the National Working People’s Football Museum Library.  I was slide-tackled from behind by a very efficient young woman who then, smiling, hauled me up off the floor by my hair, explaining sweetly that to exit the building correctly I needed to go through the shop. As I had just visited the shop, and a second exposure to its allure could have easily overwhelmed me with its tastefully designed and reasonably priced footballing gifts, I was reluctant to exit via the shop. But no it was through the shop or live a life for ever parousing the wondrousness of the footballing exhibits, fake trophies and giant fluorescent images of Bobby Moore and Eric Cantona.

I managed to fight my way through the hordes of people clamouring for the Lung and other footballing gifts to exit to a unexpected sight. One of the employees of the Museum was stood outside asking passers-by to sign his petition.

The museum employee, who didn’t want to have his name in print, told me that the museum management have banned chairs inside the museum. Forcing museum workers to spend their long and tiring shifts standing up. The workers are allowed breaks but during their on-duty time they are forced to stand for hour upon hour. I was shocked to hear that an institution like this would treat their workforce in such an inhuman manner. I signed his petition and I urge all of you to do the same.

Once I left the hall of shame that is the Football Museum, I ventured towards our town hall and Albert Square. I generally consider Albert Square to be a public space, a space where office workers and others can enjoy what little sun we get, while eating butties and chatting.

Now Albert Square is being occupied by an extremist minority that are intent on destroying the very fabric of society, crushing our freedom and annihilating democracy. Our fearless policemen were not to be seen but I’m sure they are devising a cunning plan to evict these evil interlopers.

Barclays, Sky and EA Sports are occupying our public space and spreading thier vile propaganda. They are attempting to entice you into their den of lies and deceit. Once you are inside you have your photograph taken with a trophy donned in blue and white and are forced to watch Sky TV. They claim to give you the experience of watching a live match. Wouldn’t it be easier to tell people to go and watch a live match? Although to be fair most working people couldn’t afford to watch their football.

The premier league and the football museum should meet up. One insists that people sit down while the other insists that people stand. If they got together football could come to a happy compromise. The premier league could give the museum some chairs and the museum could give the premier league standing advice.

One Comment »

  • mradamc says:

    Dropping a reply to this in a personal capacity, knowing that A Fine Lung likes to keep things strictly accurate, to point out that the gentleman pictured above (who has appeared outside the museum a couple of times this week) is very definitely not, and never has been, an employee of the National Football Museum. He’s actually an artist from Hong Kong who is currently doing a residency at the Chinese Arts Centre. Apparently he likes to ‘conduct interventions’.

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