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147 part 2

Submitted by on January 5, 2012 – 9:18 pmOne Comment

Picture shows Suarez hand-balling the ball infront of goal.The match we played against the club that plays at Skem but isn’t Skem was, as I’ve pointed out in a previous article, memorable due to the fact that in the Dooooodiddydodo Cup, you don’t watch a game of football, you watch something that resembles football but is not quite football as we know it.

On this occasion the hand-ball rule had been suspended. Why the hand-ball rule and not say the foul throw or the back pass, nobody really knows. The ref was questioned about this after the match but little was gleaned about the decision-making process at the epicentre of the Dooooodiddydodo cup intelligentsia. I personally witnessed five clear hand-balls along with at least three other people, the rest of the crowd were queuing for a double beef burger but getting a cheese burger. They didn’t have to long for a pie but choose the burger because there weren’t any pies.

The best hand-ball was when Norton, who was making a penetrating run ripping their central defence apart, caught the ball between his hand and his hip and ran for at least three paces before depositing the ball at his feet and shooting wide. The referee, who was right behind Norton, didn’t blow his whistle because in tonight’s round of the Dooooodiddydodo cup hand-balls were permissible.

I was half expecting a player to pick up the ball and I literally mean pick it up, I don’t mean pick up the ball in the traditional footballing sense, I mean pick up the ball with his hands, run down the wing carrying the ball, dive over the goal line and claim four or five points. I think if a player had done that the ref would have awarded the points.

There was a incident in the match when one of our forwards took a long range shot and their left back made a full length dive, arms fully out stretched and deflected the ball away from the goalmouth with his hands. Perfectly legitimate in the Dooooodiddydodo Cup. How the ref and refettes decide on which rule or rules will be permissible is open to debate.Picture of a brown dog

This football-like game continued and my feet got colder and more ice-like with every passing minute. We had gone one up but the team that played at Skem but weren’t Skem were pressing us hard and the one thing nobody wanted was extra time. We were all hoping that if they did score that the ref would decree it a touch down and give them four or five points so that we could all go home to the warmth and love of our more enlightened half who had wisely decided to stay at home.

The opposition clearly had a problem with remembering each others’ names, or the place that they lived in only allowed children to be named Joe. All their team was called Joe. Although I think one or two of them may have been named Joe Joe.

As the match reached its twilight we got a penalty, their number five came running up and was moaning and groaning to the ref, I was able to point out to him that he was at the other end of the pitch and couldn’t have seen the incident. He wasn’t happy and as I was celebrating our second goal he ran over to me and made a derisory remark about my big nose.

I like my big nose and was amused by the fact that their number five thought he was insulting me. This is the Dooooodiddydodo cup and anything can happen.

One Comment »

  • Elsie says:

    Dear Sirs
    I would like to register a formal complaint. The last two articles on this Web site have both been about football. What kind of start to the New Year is this? This kind of slapdash editorial approach would not have happened in Dave Sexton’s time.
    Yours in deep disgust, Mrs M-S of Romiley

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