A Fine Lung can exclusively reveal FC’s latest fund raising extravaganza to get our ground built in Moston. The idea is: the pitch at our new ground will be divided up into 2000 rectangular pieces and each member leases one rectangular piece for the price of £10. Thereby raising £20,000 at a stroke. The rectangular piece will not be able to be sold on the open market, if a member decides that they no longer want to lease their piece of the pitch it is returned to the club who then gives back the £10. The club can then lease out the returned piece of the pitch to another FC member. If a FC member dies while being a leaseholder of a piece of the pitch, then the lease automaticly returns to the club, and the club returns the £10 to the estate of the deceased member.
All you have to do to be part of this exciting new scheme is sign and return the leasehold agreement that will be sent to you over the next few days.
FC understands that it is a challenge to know of the latest developments. So not only will there be announcements made on the FC web site and forum, letters will be sent out, phone calls made to every member, advertisements in local and national press, TV and radio adverts, press releases made and TV and radio interviews made about this scheme.
The club also recognises that many people have very busy lives and find it difficult to sign their name onto paper. The club is going to do its utmost to encourage every FC member to join this fantastic fundraising proposal. FC will be sending individually created leasehold documents with the member’s details already printed on the document. An envelope pre-addressed to FC United and with a stamp pre licked and stuck onto the envelope will also be included. A pen will be sent along with the documents. No expense will be spared.
All you will have to do is take the leasehold document out of the envelope, sign it, put it back into the envelope addressed to FC United and post it. But FC United know that even this can be too much for many FC fans. The club is therefore going to make it even easier for you. Included in the leaseholder document letter is a unique contact number that can be dialled and a specially trained crack squad of FC volunteers will rush to your abode and help you sign your name. One volunteer will hold your hand while another holds the relevant form and your hand will be manipulated so as to sign your name on the fundraising document.
But still many of you will be wondering who will do the housework, bath the kids, cook the tea, watch Strictly while all this signing of documents is going on. Don’t worry FC have that in hand, our splendid volunteers will do all your household chores, clean your house from top to bottom, watch all the soaps and recount them to you so that you don’t miss a minute of this important viewing. Children will be fed, bathed and watched over, elderly relatives tended to and comforted.
The signed documents will be folded neatly, slid into the prepaid and addressed envelope, carried to the nearest post box and posted by our marvellous FC United volunteers, you will not need to lift a single finger, it will all be done for you. If FC have inadvertently missed anything from what is believed to be an extensive list of ways to make it possible for you to help your club than don’t hesitate to let FC know. Our club has nothing better to do than help you sign a tiny piece of paper and send it back to FC United of Manchester.