Occupy All Streets
By Johnny Helzapopin
Between vaccuous shit for brains pond life and their doomed to a life of insignificant banality progeny and morally bankrupt, I’m alright jack, selfish, blinkered to the real problems we face scumbags in government and media alike I could quite easily watch a large hydrogen bomb drop down and wipe out every disgusting human being off the face of this planet until all that remains are cockroaches and the shells of drive thru burger bars.
As this post nuclear holocaust utopia is only in fact a figment of my wildest dairylea squares (the best cheese) induced dreams I’m destined to meander through life as one of the forgotten feral youth the daily mail would have you believe is suitable for no more than smashing shop windows and scarpering off with a 42″ plasma telly from Dixons while the whole world looks on in disgust, according to government figures released this week there are more of me than you (the number of 16-24 year olds not in employment education or training is 1,163,00), so look out you bunch of bastards were coming to nick all your stuff and piss on the Hydrangeas.
1,163,000 That’s almost enough people to fraudulently claim the reported £1 billion the taxpayer is paying out in wrongful benefit claims, it isn’t however enough to pull off swindling the government out of the £15 billion a year in tax evasion currently practiced by those nice 1%ers who just happen to control the media and government responsible for regulating and exposing these kinds of corrupt practices. There’s a loaded deck if I ever saw one, it’s like giving a bank robber the combination to the safe then phoning the police because the student out front stole a pen.
Meanwhile another group coming under flak from a prime minister who called Margaret Thatcher mother are the public sector workers who went on strike to protect the pensions they already agreed to cut in the past, because instead of asking the 1% (there’s that word again) to pay their taxes the burden will be placed on those less able to cope with it. To put it into context they are trying to save £500 million from this pillaging of the pre-agreed pensions pot. Do this 30 times and they could match that tax avoidance mentioned above.
Remember that nice man Nick Clegg from the tv debates who promised not to raise tuition fees or cut the NHS? You know the one who backed his mate Dave when he raised tuition fees or outlined plans to cut the NHS? Well he seemed to think the one day strike would have such a detrimental effect on the economy that jobs will be lost, although his coalition government has, to be fair, admitted that the strike would have no greater effect than that of a one day holiday for the Queen’s birthday. It’s almost as if he doesn’t have a fucking clue what he’s talking about isn’t it?
Not forgetting Dave of course, he was busy urging people to cross the picket lines and bring their children into work to help beat the strike, if that wasn’t bad enough he was urging people to do this in a column in the (not worthy to wipe your shitty shoes on rag that routinely prints tits on page 3 and lies on every other page) Sun. Yes the same paper owned by that weird-looking half vampire half giant testicle Rupert Murdoch – you’d think people would be wise to him seeing as his other companies hack dead schoolgirls phones (notw) or routinely racially abuse the president across the pond (Fox).
Speaking of across the pond – the occupy movement now has entrenched itself into the psyche and conversations of America’s newsmen and women, hell even fox “news” are talking about them after spending the first few weeks denying it existed. The same station, who by the way have hired two of the most gruesome harridans ever to have appeared on television in the guise of Gretchen Carlson and Megyn Kelly, spending 5 minutes in either of their company would presumably drive anybody to agreeing Barack Obama is a socialist, Kenyan, communist, Marxist, Muslim just to stop them reading from the teleprompter that’s probably been written by satan himself.
Watching them makes me want to bleach and wire brush my own eyes. Anyway when they finally did admit to knowing about the occupy movement they classed them as America’s most dangerous enemies, only a few months after hailing any right-wing nut with an ‘Obama is a Nazi’ sign as a hero ready to take their country back. For any kind of sense and balance on the American political climate you have to rely on a comedian. Jon Stewart has consistently been on the attack of the politicians who give him more material than he’ll ever need on a weekly basis. The Republican parties’ front runners consist of a Texan millionaire who owns a hunting ranch that used to be named n*****head, a fat toad of a man who divorced his wife as she was going through treatment for cancer and the owner of a pizza corporation who is currently embroiled in a scandal that has seen him pay more than one woman off to keep quiet. All the while the most sensible of their candidates is dismissed by the media and voters alike because he believes the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq were illegal and seems a little too liberal when it comes to drugs.
By far the most sensible and likeable of the players in the US Senate is the independent from Vermont Bernie Sanders – his recent speech defending the occupy movement was a welcome sight for the movement if ever there was one:
So yeah about this nuclear holocaust, maybe there is actually some hope yet.