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A Taste of Bunny

Submitted by on October 25, 2011 – 5:38 pmNo Comment

Here’s an excerpt from MaD Theatre’s latest play, “The Demise and Rise of Bunny Lamar”Poster for MaD production.

On Stage there are three kids, Tess, Shania and Dorian who are waiting to be picked up from their drama class by their mum, Pauline who is late.

Tess and Shania are about 14 and are gobby and streetwise.

Dorian is 11, a sensitive boy who constantly thinks his mam’s going to abandon him

Pauline, 54, their mam, a rum bird who ran over her ex-husband for having an affair who’s now having to re-take driving lessons.

Shania: God where is me mam?

Tess: I know it’s been nearly two hours now.

Dorian: (Wailing) She’s dead, I can feel in my water that she’s dead, and she will be there in some gutter bleeding.

Tess and Shania: Shut up Dorian!

Dorian: Oh cruel world my wonderful mother, ripped away in her prime, leaving her offspring alone and bereft (crying on the floor)

Enter Pauline

Pauline : Oh what’s the matter with my little Dorian?

Dorian: Oh mother, you’ve returned, thank God, you’re alive, never leave us again, say you’ll never leave us,

Shania: Where the hell have you been?

Pauline: Ohh well er, what it was, I’ve got a little confession, you know Reg who I have me driving lessons with?

Dorian: Yes, the “Reg Roads school of motoring excellence! Pass first time or get a free ice scraper – miles better than the competitor” yes Reg.

Pauline: Well what with yer father running off with that woman, I’ve been very lonely yer see, and I know that you just see me as yer daft old mother, but I’m also a woman and I’ve got woman’s needs.

Girls: (disgusted) Ewww.

Dorian (Horrified) What are you trying to say mother?

Pauline: Well me and Reg have been having a little affair. See every week I drop you here at drama and I go for a lesson, we usually drive up into the hills into Ramsbottom yer know, well, just before you get into the town centre there is a little lay by where we’d stop.

Dorian: Oh mother. This is sordid.

Pauline: Oh it;‘s nothing like that, I get out a couple of butties and he gets his flask out, and we’d yer know have a little kiss and a cuddle.

Shania: You are ‘anging.

Tess: Ohh if any of my mates find out I’m going to die.

Pauline: Well that’s not the worst of it lovie, I’ve been arrested.

Shania: What for?

Pauline: Well we stopped off like we usually do and I got me baps out, ham and pickle it was today and he got his flask out, a bit of soup, oxtail, and we’re chatting you know, anyway all of a sudden the windows had steamed with the soup, and the next minute the car was surrounded with half a dozen fellas in macs and they were all peering in and I said “ohh Reg, there’s a load of fellas here what do yer think they want?” and he said “I’m not waiting to find out” and mirror, signal, manoeuvre, he was off, but we only got a few yards and this police car screeched to a halt in front of us and this policeman gets out and says that we do not have to say anything, but he is arresting us on suspicion of…dogging.

Dorian: (Devastated) Oh mother.

Pauline: That’s not the worst of it, they think that me and Reg are and the masterminds behind an illegal dogging ring and we’re due in court next week.

Dorian: Oh mother, death would have been a merciful release, we’ll have to go into hiding, oh the shame, if this gets out, I’m going to be de-robed as the president of the Debating Society.

Pauline: But listen, every cloud has a silver lining. ITV’s ‘This Morning’ has found out and they’ve invited me and Reg on. They’re doing a feature on ‘extreme public displays of affection’ with us two and Stan Collymore.

Tess and Shania: Ewwwww mam.

MaD production poster at Manchester DancehouseIf you want to see what happens catch the play at Manchester’s Dancehouse Theatre (Oct 28th, 29th). www.madtheatrecompany.co.uk

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