Headline

Featured

Football

Music

Magazine

Home » Featured, Football

CYCM. The scalextric circus…

Submitted by on December 10, 2010 – 10:04 amNo Comment

FC United of Manchester play Halifaxmachine this Saturday. They’re quite good. Not 112 places above us good but still good. What is also quite good is the mateyology that exists amongst the loyal patrons of Course You Can Malcolm. They’ve long since saw the low priced chewition fees of the fare on offer.

THE TURNS…

In an attempt to musically match the rendition of ‘Punk football, he’s going to teach us…’ and the ‘Punk Football’ flag that adorns the back of the stage in Malcolmses we are putting on a Manchester punk band…Revenge of the Psychotronic Man. Many of you will know Soya Milk Mark who organises the programme sellers. Despite his advancing years, he and Mrs Soya Milk Mark attend countless punk gigs around Manchester seeing bands that Charles and Camilla may not pull up in their motor car to see.

Mark assured me over the summer that the Manchester punk scene is at its most vibrant for a very long time. There are even little sub-divisions of genres within the genre and when there is any sort of national punk event the Manchester punks are renowned. What for, cannot be gone into too extensively on an all-age-access website. Mark promised that he would make sure he brought the best of the existing Manchester punk scene to us for our enjoyment.

Revenge of the Psychotronic Man are that punk Xmas gift. Their album ‘Make pigs smoke’ has tracks that are entitled ‘Cosmopolitan horse tits’, ‘Felch death f*** storm’ and the intriguing ‘I know a cracking owl sanctuary’. As a bonus, when Mark engaged the band in conversation about playing not only were they very, very enthusiastic, he also found out that one of them was also a member of our club. Aww, it’s all going to add up to a very smeary yuletidey log. Perfect. No spitting.

As a lovely counter-balance, many regulars of the last few Christmas dos will be familiar with the posh, highly trained female singing group who will again be performing their traditional rendition of footbally Christmassy carols including swear words. Oh, how we never tire of hearing the awkwardness of posh people swearing. They’ve promised us a surprise in their set.

What they don’t know is that we have a surprise for them. The decision which turn tops the gig will be decided by a mass brawl between the two of them. There’ll be pins and knitting needles everywhere. We can see it going off before it even starts as the ladies will probably sneak up behind the lads and try and sew their ripped T shirts. They’ll all probably finish up getting pixelated together at the Clash night at Gulliver’s in town later.

THE DETRITUS…
Somewhere within the day Faz – the man who brings all the beer in his van – will be having his FA Cup Zapata moustache publicly shaven off, Josephine90 will be selling the last of the DF fundraising 22-limited-edition-prints-for-22-quid, Murrjy will be Margentiferous, Twomowers will be ‘This team is sheet’ and Rustle will be doing the rustle.

This week’s guest beer from a tidgy independent brewery near Halifax is Little Valley Brewery’s ‘Moor Ale’ 5.5% ABV and according to the, surprisingly, still single Blaine it’s “red-brown in colour with a full bodied taste of caramel and hints of heather and smoked peat”. Hints of heather’s what? Personally I’ve never had a hint of heather and I’ve certainly never smoked peat. They sound like a really bad swinging couple on a Channel 5 documentary. Mind you for three quid, I might have a rummage.

The last few times have been a lock out, please try and get there early. Doors open at 12 o’clock. The usual our-rules and our-conditions apply. Bring Sebastien. Leave any Belles at home. Together, as always, to the next three points…

Spirit, patience, gentlenessly yours
The CYCM Oddies

Leave a comment!

You must be logged in to post a comment.