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CYCM. Don’t pay, Glazier…

Submitted by on September 9, 2010 – 1:15 pm4 Comments


Not the actual harp which will be played on Saturday

FC United of Manchester play Raddy B this weekend in the FA cup. Hoorah, it’s that time of year again when we get to sing the poorest song in the world: the ‘FA Cup, FA Cup, FA Cup’ song as sung to the ‘Here we go, here we go, here we go’ tune. Illogical, poor, repetitive and annoying…but funny. Consequently, the Oddies will be singing it and we hope you do too. It’s possibly our lowest singy moment but it doesn’t get too annoying as Murrjy is not that good at bearing silver so we get to stop singing it very, very soon. Till next year. Then we get excited all over again. Football is such a simple game and such a simple bringer of pleasure.

However, we want to talk about the Glaziers. This weekend we can begin the peace and reconciliation. We can love United … but also love the Glaziers. The reason for this is manifold. The main one being that this weekend Course You Can Malcolm gets its own window. Not a window of opportunity or a window in your calendar but an actual window. A pub window to be precise. All good pubs should have a frosted window. The type where if you walk past you get a tantalising glimpse of who is in there, but not enough to be sure, so you have to go in as your nosiness gets the better of you. Oh well, while I’m here I might as well have a beer. That sort of pub window.

Did you know glass or Perspex is just like granite? Neither did the Oddies till the last home game. In a lovely FC United of Manchester moment in conversation with the man who engraved Matt Busby’s headstone, we were informed that if we got a piece of Perspex, the aforementioned stone engraver would engrave a frosted window with the Course You Can Malcolm logo on it. One of the hands that made Matt’s passing dignified now brings us something lovely and back to life. That window is there now for you to enjoy this Saturday in Course You Can Malcolm. When the sun shines in it will shine through a bit of Red loving and just make the place that little bit glintier. Come and enjoy it, it’s yours. It’s your pub, it’s your window. It’s now a part of United as worthy as any other part of United.

And on that note of United joy: we are all aware that big United had the game removed to Saturday dinner. Not for one moment did Gill take into consideration that we have to book turns in advance. Turns that care for our football club so much that they will go out of their way to play for free to us. No payment involved, just good, talented people from around our city who will help contribute to our Ten Acres cause which will in turn go on to increase the talent within our city. A lovely, fat, never ending circle of Mancunian life. It could be no other way.

The resounding feedback that we have received is that if we cancelled due to the vagaries of Sky programming then what does that make us? The Oddies took an overwhelming decision at a meeting that the care and loyalty shown by our booked artists should be rewarded with our care and loyalty. That’s just decency. It was also noted that we forcefully sing ‘Don’t pay Glazer, or work for Sky.’ So we won’t work to their dick and dastardly ways. Obvious really. Course You Can Malcolm will put quality turns on while United are being subjugated to the till of the telly elsewhere. Just as our little United team won’t be shifted when big United are playing, neither will we. We’ve been set a fine, fine, fine example. And as big United will continue to be biffed and bashed by telly over the course of the season, we won’t. We’ve come a long way. We crawled but now we toddle. When we get to Newton Heath we’ll walk.

You can watch the game on MOTD later. We know we will. Heartbreak was not attending that first derby in 2005, this is piddlesticks. Heartbreak was sat at home fiddling while Rome burned. Perhaps, as so, so many of us did, it’s because if we wanted to see United so much pre-2005 that we just went. It was that simple. Lock out? No ticket? We’d still go, so many of us just cared. Many of us just weren’t telly Reds. We’ll be giving score updates over the microphone, why wouldn’t we? This week more than any week, show your support for fight back football and a little bit of Course You Can Malcolm courage that can be traced back to the courage that launched this club in that twinkly summer of 2005. Come into Course You Can Malcolm early for the grandeur and the romance of the FA Cup this Saturday and be met by grandeur and romance. We are all Glaziers. So to you dear Glazier we say this: don’t pay, Glazier.


Sorry to go on but sometimes you have to be clear on why you have made a decision. We hope you can see this, thank you. Anyway, so what, after all that, have we got on? We’re going to have to give this a separate line as it’s so wondrous…

We have a female HARPIST. That’s a HARPIST. A big golden stringy thing that angels play.

Rebecca Joy Sharp will be performing for 22 minutes. We saw her at a venue in town. I didn’t speak as she performed. If you knew me, that’s odd. We were mesmerised. Enchanted. Transfixed. If you don’t love this woman I will eat my shoe. And I broke my leg a while back and my feet have grown a shoe size for some strange reason so it’ll be a right mouthful. Rebecca’s songs are done in a spoken-word style over her harp playing. She has a ‘bring you in’ captivating voice. I’m now going to say the word ‘erotic’ on the official website…this woman has an erotic voice. A very, very erotic voice. I’m also very, very harsh on lyricists. Not with this woman. Truly, truly lovely. Her ‘Belle and Sebastian floating in above the rooftops’ and ‘stones in tarmac being little stars’ lines was all she needed to do for those others who have heard her. Come and see. You will note we almost, almost resisted the ‘sorry to harp on’ joke.

On the subject of fantastic, erotic voices Olga Gerke will be doing a couple of poems half an hour before Rebecca for five minutes. Olga, if you had her voice down as anything, would be the Swedish chef from The Muppets. In an adult movie. And female of course. One of her poems is called ‘Smelly fish’. It’s an insight into her humour. We saw her whilst she was supporting our very own FC United of Manchester’s John Darwin at his book launch. She radiated above the ten or so guest performers there. Radiated. We were instantly charmed by her ‘I’ve not been in England long’ accent. The pleasure will be yours on your visit.

What’s not worth a visit and what won’t give you pleasure is the return of Murrjy’s joke spot. Now much as we love our manager, he had the cheek to tell the ‘Tulips from hamster jam’ joke at the last CYCM and thought he could get away without the deafening chorus of boos that accompanied his hasty departure. Please feel free to come and boo his two jokes again in his ‘Margentiferous’ spot. Boo louder this time please. It’s the only time he will ever, ever be booed by us. And we love that.


Quick summary because I always try to keep it short but always fail. Sorry again. Anyway, the tater hash is back – hoorah. Eyebrows will be cooking, before your very own not-so-eyebrowy eyes, his unorthodoxedly-cooked veggie sausage hotdogs. Josephine90 will have her brandy fruit cake of drunken death again. The beers are there and in the freezer, the flags will be up including the now on-permanent-loan ‘This thing of ours’ flag, the team will be announced in the way I’m sure no other team sheet is ever read out. Surely you must have sussed the birthplace of the ref and his grasses by now? If not listen carefully. And of course the new pub window, aww.

CYCM will never properly be a CYCM in the eyes of the Oddies until all our members can get in, free from the restrictions of our landlords. This weekend the Manchester Road End is shut so all stands can come in and get a hug off Paul and Carly at the door as you do so. The hippiest door folk ever. Unless you cross them and try to take a beer into the stands…then you die…quite quickly…unless they’re in a bad mood. Together, as always, to the next three points …or Cup round.

Fraternally yours,
The CYCM odd carriers

As oft repeated **** CYCM is an FC United of Manchester members’ pub. That means if you’re an FC United of Manchester member then you get to come in. One guest allowed per member. There will be membership forms as you come in. All bottles to be kept within the bar area because if you take it out on the terrace you won’t be coming in again. It’s a football league ground. Their rules on this one that they’ll take great relish in hurting us for if we transgress. This is our ‘No divs’ policy that we firmly adhere to for the dignity of our club because nobody wants to drink with divs. That is a Mancunian fact ****


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