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Magnificent sevens

Submitted by on April 12, 2010 – 7:31 pm2 Comments

People like lists don’t they? And seven is a good number. So what…

7 SEVENS
Eric Cantona
Bryan Robson
David Beckham
George Best (on a few occasions)
Magnificent
Stephen Ireland
Henrik Larsson

7 cartoon characters you’d horse
Lois Griffin
Penelope Pitstop
Caramel Rabbit
Her sister Jessica
Daphne from Scooby Doo
Betty Rubble
Maude Flanders (RIP)
(the cat what Pepe le Pieu chases was close eighth)

7 TWATS
Norman Tebbit
Rory McGrath
Margaret Thatcher
Alan Davies (the knob out of Jonathan Creek who calls United – ‘Moan U’ in his Times column)
Mike Doyle
David Gill
The Duke of Edinburgh

7 DEAD TWATS (AKA The Dead Twats Society)
God (he can’t sue us)
Hitler
Genghis
Jack the Ripper
Henry VIII
Flashman out of Tom Brown’s Schooldays
Fred West

7 TWATS FROM THE U.S. OF A
George Bush
Malcolm Glazer
Walt Disney
Lloyd Grossman
Joseph McCarthy
Ted Bundy
The creator(s) of Friends

7 TWATTISH COUPLES
Richard & Judy
The Hamiltons
Ant & Dec
Tom Cruise & his latest missus
Elton John & boyf
Michael Douglas & Catherine Z-J
Liam & Noel

7 Things cunts do on buses
Piss
Read the Guardian arms outstretched to get the benefit of both pages (only a prob for the urban sophisticates on the 86 Chorlton route)
Drop cans on the floor so they roll around all the fuckin way home, banging into your foot on regular occasions
Flop their cocks out over the driver’s peep hole
Spew up
Ask if it’s going to Fallowfield
Drive

7 phrases dicks use
Mega
Geezer
Awesome!
Fella
Dude
Man U
Manc

7 studio audiences you have to be mentally deficient to be in
Soccer AM
Gladiators (a bit like most football crowds are now)
Jeremy Kyle
Fantasy Football (ages ago but still)
Anything on Saturday Night telly (includes those at home who pay to phone up and vote / enter competitions)
Anything interrupted by adverts for loans or those stairlifts
Top Gear (bunch of daily mail readers stood up while the millionnaires are sat down proposing new laws to run over immigrants in their tax-free petrol guzzling racing cars)

7 MORE Things DICKS SAY
Back in the day
Cheers for the heads up
Twenty-four-seven
That is sooo…not fair
Not three bad
It’s all good
Happy days!

7 not funny comedians
Alan Davies (yes that twat out of Jonathan Creek again)
Mike McClean (the ‘big blue’ that’s on all them shit best tv moments programmes)
Jim Bowen
Eddie Large
Stan Boardman
Jim Davidson
Joe Pasquale

7 people who should have their own dedicated reality TV show
Kevin Keegan
Boris Johnson
Baby Harvey
Ron Atkinson
Mark Thatcher
Keith Chegwin
That big old heffer who plays Pat Butcher

7 Miserable kited footballers
Nicholas Anelka
Bryan Robson
Mike Summerbee
Kenny Dalglish
Willie Morgan
Paddy Crerand
Gary Neville

7 terms overused by the media
Credit Crunch
ASBO Culture
Knife crime
Binge Britain
Our unelected Prime Minister
Princess Di
Amy Winehouse

Send your sevens to content@afinelung.com or just put them in the comment section if you can’t be arsed.

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