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Telly Guide 21/03/2010

Submitted by on March 21, 2010 – 10:37 amOne Comment

Sunday:

Quick, quick quick…. On the Waterfront (Five USA 12 noon) you missed it didn’t you? ah well console yourself that Krull (Five 3.25pm) is on later… i think i went to see this in the cinema and was very impressed because Tucker was in it. Tucker from grange hill obv, not Chris Tucker. I write the rest of the guide knowing full well that most of you will be downing a bottle of rose, a box of chocolates  and settling down to A Tribute to Stephen Gatley (ITV 20.30) but for those that aren’t Wonders of the Solar System (BBC2 9pm) will be the must-watch – if only to see what former D:ream keyboardist Dr Brian Cox will improvise the solar system out of next. In week one we had jelly-beans and a lighter:

then last week we had rocks and a stick:

This week I’m pretty sure he’s going to flop his own orbs of justice onto a table, spin them fast and demonstrate the basics of meteor trajectory that way. Three belting films on TV later: The Deer Hunter (ITV4 10pm), The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada (BBC2 11pm), Don’t look now (ITV 12:55) – Up to you which you watch, but if you haven’t seen ‘Three Burials’ on after Match of the Day2(BBC2 10pm) it’s well worth a watch.

Monday:
Like the Champions League the Semi Finals is where University Challenge (BBC2 8pm) starts to get interesting, tonight last year’s finalists St John’s Oxford are against Imperial College London, hoping to set up an Oxford-Cambridge final as next week, reigning champions University of Manchester take on Emmanuel College, Cambridge. No scarfers and no runners but this is gonna kick off big time. Later Goodfellas (ITV4 10pm) and the seemingly pointless remake of Alfie (Channel4 11pm) which i believe was shot in and around what the cool kids call the ‘Northern Quarter’. There is a great line in Bottom (currently repeated on Dave) when Richie & Eddie are stranded and richie likens it to ‘that film where they ate one another’ -  ‘deep throat’ replies Eddie – despite this glowing pop-culture reference i have never seen Deep Throat but there is a documentary Inside Deep Throat (Channel4 1.10am) which i may watch for research purposes. The Film of the Day and possibly week is Capricorn One (BBC1 12:05). A great film harking back to the days when conspiracy theories didn’t involve tedious knobs on message boards and stories of celebrating mossad agents.

Radio pick of the day is Soccer, Springboks and Segregation (R4 3pm)

Tuesday:
Last year there was a documentary on Mark Beaumont the scotsman who cycled from london, west through Europe, down through Pakistan and India, across Australia and then across USA back home. It had the potential to be the best tv ever, while not without flaws not least as a convivial host for a tv programme there was something watchable and human about Mark’s tetchyness and all round miserability, but the programme itself was infuriatingly patchy, presumabley as there were days he just could not face sitting down to record a video diary, with days like this it was perhaps understandable. He’s back again, this time cycling from Alaska to Argentina, The Man Who Cycled The Americas (BBC1 10:35pm).

Much less painful to watch will be The Delicious Miss Dahl (BBC2 20:30) which is described in some quarters as ‘understated, sweet and simple’, far be it from me to go anywhere near that… When was the last time you watched Scarface (ITV4 10pm)? i ask because i watched it again recently – jesus it’s awful. On the radio: Wild Billy Childish (R4 11:30am)

Wednesday:

As mentioned before I don’t get preview copies of programmes like the proper reviewers get so i generally make this up, but there is one exception this week and that is Budget Statement by the Chancellor (BBC1 22:35), and happily i can show you a clip from this, right here. Ahhh the magic of the FA Cup, even to repeat the cliches is to lapse into cliche, Live FA Cup, Spurs vs Fulham (ITV 19:30). Bread is great stuff, from warbys orange to that stuff with bits in it that gets stuck between your teeth, I presume that someone has decided that what bread you eat determines what sort of person you are, and on this premise we have: Timeshift: Bread – a loaf affair (BBC4 21:00) which would need to be good to make up for that frankly shit pun.
Radio pick: On the Map: Motoring Maps (R4 15:45)

Thursday:

Inside the perfect predator (BBC1 9pm)I’m hoping the title is literal and there’s dissecting all kinds of lions and tigers and bears and seeing what makes them tick (clue: it’s the heart) but this being the lefty pinkos at the BBC we will have to make do with CGI and people talking rather than dissection and caged fights. Museum of Life (BBC2 8pm) continues. And a repeat also of The secret life of chaos (BBC4 8pm). Continuing BBC4s Food series is Fast Food Nation (BBC4 10pm) – but to be honest we will all be watching and empathising with Falling Down (ITV4 9pm) or will we? has that michael douglas character who gets pissed off with his burger not looking like the one in the picture become a bit of a pain in the arse in these days of professional ‘grumpy old men’ and bookshelves filled with books titled ‘isn’t everything fucking shit nowadays’? – i’ll watch it and report back. I’ve not seen it but Tony Manero (Film4 23:05) looks great , a serial killer obsessed, in Pinochet era Chile who is obsessed with Saturday Night Fever? tell me that doesn’t sound ace?

Radio Wise, David Byrne and Fatboy Slim have been collaborating on a concept album about Imelda Marcos – as i write this I am increasingly unsure that I am not being set up here, but i will be listening to David Byrne on Mark Radcliffe & Stuart Maconie (R2 8pm) to find out.

Friday:

Perhaps heavy going for a Friday night but Unreported World (CH4 19:30) is an expose into the illegal Ivory Trade of West Africa, I’m no expert but 56,000 Elephants killed since 2006 would seem to be a cause for concern. The rest of Friday seems to be much lighter with Comedy Rocks (ITV1 9pm) with Scouse comedian John Bishop, whom i saw many years ago at the comedy store in town, his highlight being ‘I’ve got to admire you mancs, your city gets bombed and youse rebuild the whole thing outta glass, that’s some balls right there’. A repeat of Synth Brittania (BBC4 9pm) and Ice Cube comedy follow up Next Friday (Channel4 01:20) (can anyone tell me if this is any good?, i have a feeling it’s REALLY shit but not sure i have seen this).

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