Read the following statements, consider their incredulity and then ask yourself which one actually happened.
“Against the wishes of supporters, the Football Association have approved a move for Southampton Football Club to relocate to a new …

Former Course You Can Malcolm turns, Kris Stewart and David Conn, combined in The Guardian the other day for (another) article about this Franchise v Wimbledon horror-show. As far as I was aware Pete Winkelman, …

there’s a hospital under threat tonight in the heartlands
and this council are taking my past away from me
there’s a big empty hole in my chest where my heart was
and a hole in the sky where …

By Kris Stewart
I speak only for myself. But I want it to be very clear – I never want my club, Wimbledon, to play the scum-sucking vermin we politely call “Franchise”. Neither do I want …

One club is the epitome of community values while the other club is a rich person’s vanity project.

”While driving I often think of suicide”.
He lands, erection still in hand, plop, on the top of the now mangled bus.

Israel v Palestine eh? What a rivalry that one is! Two sides exchanging blows like prize fighters. I wonder which one will come out on top… proper edge of the seat stuff. But wait, this …

I am no authority on the hardness of a worm’s head, I do know though that my head is harder than a worm’s head and if I was lying on the ground and decided to burrow into the earth without using my arms then it would be very difficult…

Despite the poor on-pitch performance of FC United on Saturday, Course You Can Malcolm was once again a resoundingly wonderful event that brought cheer and smiles to faces, which could have otherwise been creased by …

The wait between the fourth and fifth was agony. The game was over, there was no question about that, but we needed to see a fifth. We needed to take from them their last remaining tool of torment.

We are promising you a hugathon. Everyone hugging everyone else in a display of love, befitting of how this club of ours was formed. Songs for the lovers.

Sunday was Remembrance Day, an event which marks the end of the jingoistic, tabloid-driven Festival of Poppy Fascism, when our closet bigots get the chance to hijack the genuine grief of families who have lost …

At the club’s annual general meeting, FC United members voted overwhelmingly in favour of a resolution banning the club from paying for Sky TV or or other subscription / pay-per-view based television channels.

We are a rebel club with a real cause. That cause is to rid football of the corporate shysters, chancers and other parasites that greedily pile up their profits as they further marginalise the interests of the ordinary match-going supporter.

Football fan campaigners have backed FC United supporters’ proposals to rule out subscriptions to Sky TV and other television companies at their potential new ground.

The extraordinary attendance of Malcolmses at the last home match is to be investigated by Manchester Metropolitan Police.
Police suspect foul play and there are allegations that a tiny secretive sect of East Manchester communists.

It’s all very well to say you’re against war, but I mean, would these peace-loving hippies stand by while a freedom-hating foreigner killed their mum? Fat use their flowers and doves would be then…that’ll learn em, isn’t that right Darling?