CYCM 29/05/17: Shamesborough G ‘n’ Tea
by: J. Walter Weatherman
Shame is a funny thing, isn’t it? It’s not something you’d purposely go out of your way to experience, but if millennia of biblical guilt has taught us anything, it’s that there’s always a need for a bit of self-admonishment. And that you should really avoid coveting thy neighbour’s donkey. As is always the case though, rules have exceptions, and the rules of shame are no different. Especially when there are plenty out there who were either born without the ability to feel shame, or those who can dismiss its annoying, grating voice as a mere irrelevance. A bit like muting the telly when Piers Morgan comes on. People such as (certain) politicians for example. Now that may seem an easy shot, and a clichéd one at that, but go out and pick up a copy of Private Eye, and you’ll soon see it’s a fair point, no matter how open a goal it is to make an example of them. Or, as the pithy terrace chant points out so succinctly, Rio Ferdinand. Or everybody’s favourite billionaire-bad boy, Phillip Green.
The list could go on, but what it highlights is that shame isn’t necessarily a bad thing, no matter how unpleasant it makes you feel (especially if you’ve done something particularly snide, and deserve to feel a bit poopy about yourself). Nah, a bit of self-inflicted opprobrium isn’t bad, and if anything, we should go one step further and feel sorry for all those poor, unfortunate shameless people out there. Especially this Saturday at Malcolmses, as we have top post-punk band Shame playing for us, meaning if you are shameless, you’ve got nothing to shout about, unlike us. We are Shamey McShameface and we’re not ashamed to admit it (though I probably should be ashamed for doing a Boaty McBoatface reference).
As if that wasn’t enough for you- and bear in mind there’s no shame in wanting more – we’re signing off the season in style, with FC Mainhead Damian Chadwick coming to chat with us, and not one, but two special guest speakers waxing lyrical about some of the finest beverages in the known universe: tea and gin.
Tea, gin, Shame, the odd CEO thrown in for good measure: if you’re wondering how we’re going to fit so much marvellousness into three pre-match hours, then wonder no more. Just have a ganders below….
11:00 The Oddies arrive for the last time this season. Don’t let that bottom lip quiver for long though, you soft mard, there’s always next season
11:30 Moston’s title as the duct tape usage capital of Manchester is confirmed, when we put the flags up. You’d have thought by now we’d finally got the hang of putting them up properly. You’d have thought wrong
12:00 Doors open
12:15 Damian Chadwick – You’ve got the power to change, you’re indestructible, always believe in…. Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Damian’s going to be chatting about the Power to Change grant
1:30 May King Tsang: The Queen of Tea – see below
2:00 Shame – London’s finest bring their sound to Manchester
2:30 Aaron Darke: The Gin King – see below
3:00 Kick-off. And that’s us done for another season. Will it be a summer spent sipping piña coladas on a sun-drenched beach, or locked away, feverishly working on plans for next season? Probably neither. Do you honestly think we plan any of this?
Of all the Damians who’ve been to Broadhurst Park, Chadwick is easily our favourite. As the CEO (that’s Chief Executive Officer, in case you were wondering) of FC, he’s been in the role nearly six months now, so clearly he’s ready to face the assorted rogues and ne’er-do-wells that make up the Malcs regulars. Amongst other things, he’ll be talking to us about the club’s recent successful Power To Change bid. And how he spent so many years without being driven mad by the Bolton accent (This last bit might not be true).
G n’ Tea
It’s probably fair to say beer is quite popular at Malcolmses. And with good reason, admittedly. However, anyone who’s anyone knows even though tea isn’t alcoholic, it’s miles better than beer, and anyone who disagrees, or says they don’t drink tea, is obviously a wrongun’. Luckily for the more right-on amongst us, we’ve got an expert on the subject, and it’s a pleasure to have her talk for us. Tea Note Speaker, published writer, performer of Chinese Gong Fu tea ceremonies; May King Tsang is an authority on all things tea. And here she is in her own words:
“My mission is to ensure everyone has a better cup of tea, and what better way than to try something new? Hello, my first name is May King and my business is MayKing Tea and I am a Tea Note Speaker. I have TEAmed up with Parched Tea Bar to provide you an exclusive Manchester Blend for you to try. Got any questions about tea? Come along and ask me! Can’t make it? Tweet me @maykingtea and I’ll share a virtual cup with you.”
Want to know your Oolong from your Lapsang Souchong? Fancy a bit of free Mancunian tea? Like tea-based puns? Then May King is the tea connoisseur for you. For more info, have yourself a little peruse of May King’s website here.
So, it’s agreed: tea is ace. But you know what else is ace? Gin. Especially if that gin comes from Manchester, a place not usually famous for its production of the juniper spirit. Step forward Wythenshawe’s Aaron Darke, founder of the Zymurgorium and Manchester’s first and only craft distillery:
“I had the idea of setting it up after a long period brewing for my peers at university, I never started with kits as I prefer to make my own or forage my own like my family has taught me….. my fascination with what nature has to offer us never ceases. Who knows, I might be picking produce near you right now…..these overwhelming blandness and underwhelmingly dull experiences in our world are public enemy number one. Rebelling against the status-quo, bringing out true quality and flavour from ingredients is what drove me to start experimenting all those years ago and is what keeps us ahead now in innovation”
They also produce beer, mead and cider, but on this occasion it’s the gin Aaron’s going to be talking to us about, and if you’re lucky, he may even share some with us. Excited? You ruddy well should be. To read up on the Zymurgorium, have a look here.
The Shame Game
Rounding of this season’s musical offerings, we’re chuffed and then some to have Shame play for us. The five piece ‘aggro-punk band’ (copyright, NME) have been making waves in London, and for good reason. Rather than explain myself, here’s what Rolling Stone journalist Adam Gold had to say about them following their recent performance at SXSW:
“Nineteen-year-old singer Charlie Steen has a rage in him. You could tell that before the band hit the first note, when Steen, already fuming, started mean-mugging the crowd of 75 or so. Within 60 seconds he was on the attack, spazzing out like Ian Curtis one second and crouching down to incinerate with John Lydon-worthy death stares while spitting speak-shouted lyrics in an uber-limey cadence not unlike The Streets’ Mike Skinner. This was over a drum-tight cacophony of crashing cymbals, rumbling bass and angular guitar-dueling….”
To top it all off, they’re opinionated, political and not afraid to admit it, something sadly lacking in many acts in these bonkers political times we find ourselves in. As drummer Charlie Forbes says, the band are: “very left wing and we’re not scared to say it….”. Which goes down nicely with us. Suitably intrigued? Then get yourself down on Saturday to experience them for yourself. In the meantime, whet your appetite with their latest single.
This Saturday then. Excited? Bit sad the season’s ending? A heady blend of the two? There’s nothing left to do but set your conflicting emotions against each other for a bit of a ruckus and come and join us. We’ll see you right.
Just so you know: CYCM’s currently situated in the Main Stand bar. We’ll have two thirds of the room, but if you’ve just read all this and think it sounds bobbins, then one end of the room will be partitioned off so you can enjoy a pint in peace. Once you’re in the ground, entrance to CYCM is free, just head to the Main Stand (through the turnstiles if you come after 1), but try and get there as early as possible (come in through the main entrance and up the stairs if you arrive before the turnstiles open), as we’re anticipating it’s going to get busy. So busy in fact, we’ll have hand stamps allowing you to get in and out as you please. We don’t want you not getting back in if you’ve popped out, as that’d just be cruel. And we don’t want that.