CYCM 21/09/19: Cry Me Three Rivers
September 18, 2019 – 6:30 pm | No Comment | by:

This week’s turn, The Crying Beauty Queens, hail from Stockport, Clitheroe and Stoke. If Stoke was a plural that would sound like a firm of solicitors, wouldn’t it? Just as well it isn’t, because Stokes …

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CYCM 21/09/19: Cry Me Three Rivers by:
September 18, 2019 – 6:30 pm | No Comment

APThis week’s turn, The Crying Beauty Queens, hail from Stockport, Clitheroe and Stoke. If Stoke was a plural that would sound like a firm of solicitors, wouldn’t it? Just as well it isn’t, because Stokes would remind us of Bobby Stokes and that ‘goal’ in the seventy-six cup final that was so offside he was half way to Euston by the time he drilled the ball past Alex Stepney and we wouldn’t want reminding of that on the day of an FA Cup qualifier, would we? Not when one of the CYCM volunteers at least was reduced to tears as a result of Stokes’ goal-that-never-was. On a happier note, we were made up when the Crying Beauty Queens said they’d do a turn for us at this week’s CYCM. They’ve only been together a year, honing their songs under that massive viaduct in Stockport. They cite their influences as the Cranberries and the Pixies, which sounds more than alright to us. You can judge for yourselves here.

The Crying Game

Karl can’t make it this week, but he’s sending us one of his fiendishly difficult quizzes to keep everyone on their toes in his absence. And there are rumours afoot of an FA Cup-themed raffle courtesy of Our Man in the Arndale, so bring a spare pound coin, or two.

Here’s the rough timings:

1.00 Doors open

1.30 Si kicks things off

1.50 Quiz by George Irwell

2.15 Crying Beauty Queens

3.00 Our red shirted heroes take to the field to pit their footballing wits against Warrington Town. We hope they’re not wearing yellow ‘cause that could bring back bad memories for some of us …

Away from Scott’s dazzling lights, there’ll be the usual selection of ales and this Saturday will see the return of Vegan Ronay, who’ll be offering a Madras curry with rice and poppadum while Eco Stu dishes out Westwells’ legendary tater ash and cheese & onion pies. Don’t say we don’t spoilt you …

Sounds alright, doesn’t it? Hopefully we’ll see you there. Till then….

Love is the licensee: if you come looking for us in the St Mary’s Road End then, well, you’re in the right place as that’s our permanent gaff. Once you’re through the turnstiles, go underneath the terracing, and walk down until you see a whopping big stage, badly affixed flags, and slightly disheveled looking volunteers. If there’s also a lovely whiff of food in the air, then you’ll know you’re in the right place. Entrance to CYCM is completely freemans, with the usual rules applying: no divviness, weapons of mass destruction or anyone over the age of fifty-five who didn’t think Bobby Stokes was offside. Refugees welcome.

CYCM 07/09/19: One Notion Under A Groove
September 4, 2019 – 6:06 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 07/09/19: One Notion Under A Groove

Been a lovely, world-turned-upside-down, few days hasn’t it. The Tory party tearing itself apart. FC United winning a football match at Broadhurst Park and scoring four goals in the process. Plant pots, hay bales and …

CYCM 24/08/19: When the Seadogs Follow the Footballer(s)
August 20, 2019 – 6:04 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 24/08/19: When the Seadogs Follow the Footballer(s)

There was an interesting news story (if you’re that way inclined) on the telly the other day about the increasing voracity of seagulls. It appears these mainstays of seaside resorts are getting cockier and narkier, …

Spirit, patience, gentleness
August 16, 2019 – 6:20 am | One Comment | by:
Spirit, patience, gentleness

‘Spirit, Patience, Gentleness,
All that can adorn and bless
Art thou – let deeds, not words, express
Thine exceeding loveliness.

Covers story: Issue one
August 10, 2019 – 9:20 am | No Comment | by:
Covers story: Issue one

The release date of the first ever AFLM:SPG was timed by accident, as the first FC United home game of the 2008-9 season was on the anniversary of the Peterloo Massacre. August 16th.

CYCM 20/07/19: Do You Remember The First Time?
July 17, 2019 – 4:26 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 20/07/19: Do You Remember The First Time?

It was when the bus pulled into Leigh and we saw all the familiar faces milling about that we started to feel optimistic. 16 July 2005, a sunny day at the wrong end of the …

CYCM 13/04/2019: Zangwills ‘n’ Thrills But No Bellyaches
April 10, 2019 – 8:41 am | No Comment | by:
CYCM 13/04/2019: Zangwills ‘n’ Thrills But No Bellyaches

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines force of will as ‘the ability to continue trying despite difficulties’, and when you see it carried out in all its proud, straining glory, it’d take the most awkwardest of gets to …

CYCM 30/03/19: Fine Young Decibels
March 28, 2019 – 6:14 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 30/03/19: Fine Young Decibels

It seems every man, woman and their dog has an opinion when it comes to youth. Oscar Wilde, for example, displayed his through his commentary on aestheticism in The Picture of Dorian Gray, which saw the …

CYCM 16/03/19: Synth You’ve Been Gone
March 13, 2019 – 2:56 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 16/03/19: Synth You’ve Been Gone

It may come as something of a surprise to you all, but we’re no fans of the Daily Express here at CYCM Towers (we say ‘towers’; a dilapidated shed with a faded Percy Thrower poster …

CYCM 02/03/19: Only girls and football break your heart
February 28, 2019 – 2:02 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 02/03/19: Only girls and football break your heart

We’ve got some proper culinary treats lined up for you this week. Vegan Ronay is preparing Veg Mex, or vegan tacos, while for the traditionalists among you Stu will be serving up Westwell’s legendary tater …

CYCM 16/02/19: East meets Westwell’s
February 13, 2019 – 6:11 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 16/02/19: East meets Westwell’s

First things first, a big thank you to everyone who came along to CYCM last week. We were a bit nervous, to be honest: we know none of you really tiptoed through the Kippax in …

CYCM 09/02/19: Maitland Season Begins in Earnest
February 6, 2019 – 1:57 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 09/02/19: Maitland Season Begins in Earnest

Spring: what a time of year to be human. You get to kiss goodbye to the long johns, the melancholy that envelopes you as the sun dips before tea time disappears, and your olfactory nerves …

Munich, Jimmy Murphy and the Suez Crisis
February 6, 2019 – 1:10 am | No Comment | by:
Munich, Jimmy Murphy and the Suez Crisis

On arrival at the ground Murphy thought briefly how quiet the place seemed compared to normal and headed to his office. It was only when there that the dreadful news was relayed to him by Alma George, his secretary.

CYCM 26/01/19: Two Beers Resolution
January 22, 2019 – 3:49 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 26/01/19: Two Beers Resolution

A new year. A fresh opportunity. The chance to tear it all up and start again. You’re gonna start going to the gym aren’t you? Always fancied a six pack. You’re gonna be more organised …

NEW YEAR’S EVE IS SHITE! – THE STARTLING TRUTH
December 31, 2018 – 11:58 am | 2 Comments | by:
NEW YEAR’S EVE IS SHITE! – THE STARTLING TRUTH

A new survey has revealed shocking evidence that could put an end to the world’s biggest party and make millions of revellers look completely stupid.
Professor Solomon Shellac of Manchester University has finally published the results …

Anthropocene
December 30, 2018 – 10:43 am | No Comment | by:
Anthropocene

The Anthropocene, what is it? Where is it? And can you eat it? These burning questions lay heavy on the minds of the population. In the long tradition of this journal’s love of strange and …

CHRISTMAS IS SHITE – IT’S OFFICIAL
December 24, 2018 – 3:36 pm | No Comment | by:
CHRISTMAS IS SHITE – IT’S OFFICIAL

A new study by a leading Manchester University professor and his team has proved what all Christians feared – that Christmas is shite. Dr. Solomon Shellac of UMIST made the startling discovery after researching all …

CYCM 15-12-18: 1512 Overture
December 12, 2018 – 6:21 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 15-12-18: 1512 Overture

Christmas tunes are mostly bobbins aren’t they. Wham, Cliff Richard, Mariah Carey, Shakin’ bloody Stevens, to name but a few, played on a seemingly never ending loop in shops, pubs and on the wireless from …

KYKM 08/12/18: Kris Kringle All The Way
December 4, 2018 – 6:19 pm | No Comment | by:
KYKM 08/12/18: Kris Kringle All The Way

Here’s a fun game for you all: name a person more famous than Father Christmas. Go on, I’ll just nip to the kitchen, make a brew and check if that slightly pongy pack of ham …

On the 12th year of Christmas my non-blue love said to me….
November 20, 2018 – 3:13 pm | No Comment | by:
On the 12th year of Christmas my non-blue love said to me….

Twelve years after the publication of the first, and still to this day, best of all FC United-related books, An Undividable Glow, we recently received this review from a reader:
‘A brilliant book and a must …

CYCM 17/11/18: Red Bed Redemption
November 13, 2018 – 10:12 am | No Comment | by:
CYCM 17/11/18: Red Bed Redemption

Mid-November: awkward time of the year, innit? Caught in a dark, drizzly limbo between Bonfire Night and the oncoming madness of Christmas, it’s tempting to sack it all off, get your Hygge on, and just …