CYCM 17/11/18: Red Bed Redemption
November 13, 2018 – 10:12 am | No Comment | by:

Mid-November: awkward time of the year, innit? Caught in a dark, drizzly limbo between Bonfire Night and the oncoming madness of Christmas, it’s tempting to sack it all off, get your Hygge on, and just …

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CYCM 17/11/18: Red Bed Redemption by:
November 13, 2018 – 10:12 am | No Comment

Mid-November: awkward time of the year, innit? Caught in a dark, drizzly limbo between Bonfire Night and the oncoming madness of Christmas, it’s tempting to sack it all off, get your Hygge on, and just stay in bed for a month. A bit like John and Yoko, minus the sanctimonious, protesty aspect of it all (and probably minus the impeccable whiteness of their sheets after a month’s worth of lying around leaves your fitted sheets grey and decidedly whiffy).

Really, though, who wants to spend all their time lying in bed? Morrissey recently espoused the joys of hiding under your duvet and locking yourself away from the world on his last album, and look at the state of him now: a quasi-Farage chump with as much relevance as dial up internet. So, no, clearly it isn’t a good idea. Luckily John and Yokofor those of you seeking to free themselves from the shackles of their duvet and matching bedspread though, CYCM returns this Saturday, to entice you off your mattress and out of your SpongeBob pyjamas with music, a quiz, more music, and all the usual Malcolms tertulia-based fun we like to send your way. Read on to see how Hygge can well and truly do one:

11:00 The Oddies Arrive: Up early on a Saturday to put a hefty stage together and stick flags up? While the Early Bird Oddies will disagree with everything just written and think staying in bed is ace, once it’s all done and set up, they’ll know they made the right choice

12:00 Doors Open: And they’re fancy doors too, now the SMRE has been all spruced up

12:45 Quizzy Karl’s Quizical Quiz: Last time round, Karl’s quiz was hard. Very hard. Teeth were gnashed. Friendships were strained. Grown men cried. And we’re doing it all again for all the sados amongst you….

1:30 Gideon Conn: An old friend of CYCM, and it’s ruddy, ruddy marvellous to welcome him back

2:20 Hey Bulldog: Another old friend of CYCM; the ruddy marvelousness just keeps on getting ruddier

3:00 The Fitba: Will a team revitalised by Neil Reynolds have Telford quaking in their boots? And why would they have to be in their boots to quake in the first place? To find out the answers to these questions and more, just go up onto the terraces and find out for yourselves

Gideon Conn

If you’re not familiar with Gideon, then where to start? We should probably begin by quoting his website: “After finishing a degree in sculpture at MMU, Gideon decided to become a builder, but nipped that in the bud Gidafter 8 months because it was very hard work. That was the point when he decided to be a full time artist and musician. He became a feature on the Manchester indie folk scene and was known for doing drawings at gigs and giving them to bands as a souvenirs. Known for effortlessly blending acoustic folk and hip hop, Gideon has a unique performance style which make audiences very happy.” He’s certainly made us happy when he’s played for us previously, and it’s making us even happier to welcome him back again. A firm favourite of the Oddies, you’ll need to see Gideon in action to fully appreciate what we’re banging on about. To get a flavour of what to expect, have a ganders here.

Hey Bulldog
Back in 2014 when Hey Bulldog last performed for us, we described them as “a smarter than smart band with psychedelic tendencies and a penchant for ear-bleeding riffs.” Fast forward to today, and they describe themselves as “…the saviours of Manchester rock ‘n’ roll. Favourites on the live circuit ofHey Bulldog their home town and gaining acclaim beyond its frontiers, their sound is a bluesy psych jambalaya of hot riffs and saucy grooves.” No strangers to radio thanks to being played by the likes of Steve Lamacq and Chris Hawkins on BBC 6 Music, Radio X, Planet Rocks/Mojo Magazine’s Phil Alexander, BBC Introducing and Amazing Radio to name but a few, they’ll be back in the limelight again when their new single ‘No Future (Part II)’ is released for streaming this month, and downloading in December. We also can’t let a preview about the band pass without mentioning the fact they enjoyed themselves that much the last time they played for us, it inspired them to write their 2015 song ‘Makin’ Friends Not Millionaires’. Which quite frankly, is ace, if you ask me. Have a look here for a peak at their back catalogue.

It’s not all fun and games though; we’ll also be taking care of the serious business of eating and drinking. Alongside the bar, there’ll be Westwells cheese and onion pies and tater ash, Mike Noodle’s veggie offerings, Pete’s vegan offerings, homemade cakes, and in yet another world first for us (we’ve had loads, just look it up on Wikipedia, or something), old-skool Malcolms head Blaine will be supplying us with homemade red cabbage to accompany the tater ash. Intriguingly, he says that it’s ‘stylistically more sauerkraut-like than traditional’. There’s not been this much interest surrounding cabbage since Mossley’s finest played for us a couple of years ago….

Right then; you know the turns we’ve got on, you know the food and drink we’re going to be serving, and you know where we’re doing it, so the big question is: Fancy it? If so, make sure you don’t find yourself still in bed by midday watching old episodes of Homes Under the Hammer, and get down to Broadhurst Park instead. You’ll be rewarded with a loving, Red embrace of your ears, mind and soul. And your bed can’t give you that.

Just so you know: if you come looking for us in the St. Mary’s Road End, then, well, you’re in the right place, because that’s our permanent gaff, now. Just head to the turnstiles and make your way about two-thirds down the SMRE. You can’t really miss us as we have a big, dock off stage for a start, plus you’ll no doubt see SFTB wandering around with either a ladder, drill and/or his latest Ebay purchase in his hands. And as always: entrance to CYCM is completely freemans, with the usual rules applying: no divviness, nuclear weapons or anyone who’s ever used the phrase “Get your head in the game”. Refugees welcome.

CYCM 13/10/18: The Darlington Buds of Malcs
October 10, 2018 – 4:12 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 13/10/18: The Darlington Buds of Malcs

Eggs. Wind. News. Arsenal’s unbeaten record in 2004. All things that are, we think you’ll agree, much better when they are broken. And what with us being a breakaway football club we tend to have …

In seventy seven it was Docherty, in twenty eighteen it’s the SMRE…
September 4, 2018 – 2:39 pm | No Comment | by:
In seventy seven it was Docherty, in twenty eighteen it’s the SMRE…

Unless you’ve been holed up in a darkened room avoiding the Mancunian heat this summer it surely can’t have escaped your notice that changes have been afoot under the St Mary’s Road End terrace as …

Making friends, not millionaires
August 17, 2018 – 7:49 pm | No Comment | by:
Making friends, not millionaires

A piece from a recent edition of FC United of Manchester’s matchday programme on the club’s work in developing participation in sporting and other activities in the local community during 2017-18…
Some supporters may be unaware …

Slow Readers, ace musicians (yes we have used a very similar headline before, so what?)
May 10, 2018 – 12:18 pm | No Comment | by:
Slow Readers, ace musicians (yes we have used a very similar headline before, so what?)

The Slow Readers Club have this week released their third album and are finally getting a bit of ‘attention’ from people other than music fans in Manchester.
Course You Can Malcolm, the club night in the …

CYCM 11/05/18: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Callow
May 7, 2018 – 5:18 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 11/05/18: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Callow

CYCM returns to the function room at Broadhurst Park on the evening of Friday 11 May with something old, something new, something borrowed and … something blue.
One of our favourite turns from our Gigg …

Munich, Jimmy Murphy and the Suez Crisis
February 6, 2018 – 1:10 am | No Comment | by:
Munich, Jimmy Murphy and the Suez Crisis

On arrival at the ground Murphy thought briefly how quiet the place seemed compared to normal and headed to his office. It was only when there that the dreadful news was relayed to him by Alma George, his secretary.

Your song. Munich 60 years on
February 4, 2018 – 1:33 pm | No Comment | by:
Your song. Munich 60 years on

By John Ludden
Ever since British European Flight 609 careered off the end of Munich runway and killed outright seven Manchester United footballers and many other poor souls on board, the amount of tears shed for …

Long shadow still falls on us all, 60 years on
February 1, 2018 – 11:26 am | No Comment | by:
Long shadow still falls on us all, 60 years on

Next weekend, a crowd will gather outside Old Trafford, as it always does before the home match nearest the anniversary, to remember the 23 people who died, 60 years since that European Cup tie against Red Star Belgrade.

City’s owners: Sheikhs, lies and videotapes
January 11, 2018 – 7:51 pm | No Comment | by:
City’s owners: Sheikhs, lies and videotapes

Now that Manchester City look to be on the brink of an era of domination, at least in England, it’s perhaps time to take another look at who is really behind this project and why.

NEW YEAR’S EVE IS SHITE! – THE STARTLING TRUTH
December 31, 2017 – 10:18 pm | 2 Comments | by:
NEW YEAR’S EVE IS SHITE! – THE STARTLING TRUTH

A new survey has revealed shocking evidence that could put an end to the world’s biggest party and make millions of revellers look completely stupid.
Professor Solomon Shellac of Manchester University has finally published the results …

CHRISTMAS IS SHITE – IT’S OFFICIAL
December 25, 2017 – 6:00 am | No Comment | by:
CHRISTMAS IS SHITE – IT’S OFFICIAL

A new study by a leading Manchester University professor and his team has proved what all Christians feared – that Christmas is shite. Dr. Solomon Shellac of UMIST made the startling discovery after researching all …

Frenzy
December 22, 2017 – 1:06 pm | No Comment | by:
Frenzy

I went to Asda to buy my Christmas crap, chocolate, biscuits, Hummus and booze, a traditional Christmas feast. And also tea bags. However, I had to literally fight my way to the tea bags, ram a path to the chocolate, bludgeon my way down the biscuit isle and mount an armed assault in the bread isle.

Survey reveals that Christmas is shite
December 16, 2017 – 7:11 am | No Comment | by:
Survey reveals that Christmas is shite

A new study by a leading Manchester University professor and his team has proved what all Christians feared – that Christmas is shite. Dr. Solomon Shellac of UMIST made the startling discovery after researching all …

Older reds swap derby memories
December 11, 2017 – 8:06 pm | No Comment | by:
Older reds swap derby memories

From the Daily Telegraph:
Derek Gardner remembers the 1955 Manchester derby like it was yesterday. Or, rather, he remembers the build-up to the game.
“I was out on the town and ended up in a club in …

A time for giving, and that…
December 7, 2017 – 10:21 pm | No Comment | by:
A time for giving, and that…

From The Non League Paper:

The season of goodwill is here and FC United of Manchester are getting in on the act once again as they get set to open the doors at Broadhurst Park to …

Red Rebels – an excerpt
December 7, 2017 – 6:03 pm | No Comment | by:
Red Rebels – an excerpt

FC United founder and former AFL contributor JP O’Neill has written a book about Manchester’s battles with the Glazers and the subsequent football club that rose amongst the flames. And then imploded somewhat. Red Rebels …

Kenny Ball and his J*zzmen
December 5, 2017 – 5:55 pm | No Comment | by:
Kenny Ball and his J*zzmen

It’s a well established political fact that Kenny Ball, from Kenny Ball and his Jazzmen, despises Nigel Winterburn with an intensity rarely seen in the jazz world. Both modern and acid. Knowing this, I contacted …

CYCM 02/12/17: He’s Here, He’s There, Bring Your Thermal Underwear
November 28, 2017 – 10:36 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 02/12/17: He’s Here, He’s There, Bring Your Thermal Underwear

If you’ve dedicated your life to eleven ball-chasing men, chances are you’ll know it gets a bit taters watching them in the autumn and winter months. Not quite Jose Mourinho leaving Bastian Schweinsteiger off his …

Ice Breaker
November 21, 2017 – 8:26 am | No Comment | by:
Ice Breaker

Training days can be a mixed blessing. On the one hand you get to spend the day drinking tea, eating biscuits and chatting to your workmates, which is always better than working. However, on the …

Don’t cry for me Margentina
November 21, 2017 – 8:15 am | No Comment | by:
Don’t cry for me Margentina

After years of Fergie seemingly being at war with everyone and everything it made a pleasant change to have a sound, easy going and humble bloke in charge of our football team.