CYCM 16/02/19: East meets Westwell’s
February 13, 2019 – 6:11 pm | No Comment | by:

First things first, a big thank you to everyone who came along to CYCM last week. We were a bit nervous, to be honest: we know none of you really tiptoed through the Kippax in …

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CYCM 16/02/19: East meets Westwell’s by:
February 13, 2019 – 6:11 pm | No Comment

First things first, a big thank you to everyone who came along to CYCM last week. We were a bit nervous, to be honest: we know none of you really tiptoed through the Kippax in quite the fashion you sometimes sing about – apart from Angry Bear, obviously – but we hoped you meant it when you sang about not working for Sky. And enough of you did to polish off the tater ‘ash and the cheese & onion pies, to do justice to George Irwell’s ace quiz, and to give The Maitlands a decent turnout. So, thanks for that – and thanks again to The Maitlands for stepping in at short notice and treating us to a fantastic set.

So, we’re back for the second edition of back-to-back Malcolmses and like FC’s 2006-07 double winners probably having the edge over the 2005-06 we reckon this week’s line-up, with its double header of poetry and music and some additional spice on the food front, is a veritable Howard on the wing of dinnertime fare for you. And with Ole’s United not in action until they go head-to-head with Coronation Street on Monday night it could be a busy © REX/Shutterstockone under the SMRE. Tom, the singer from today’s band, told us he “got goosebumps” when he came along last week and saw the SMRE for the first time (and we know it wasn’t because he was cold as we had the heating on) and The Maitlands plainly buzzed off their first appearance here. We might be second from bottom in the league, nearly needing snookers to avoid the drop, but once again on Saturday you’ll be able to enjoy music, poetry, beer, food and a quiz shoulder-to-shoulder with fellow Reds and inside your own football ground. As last week’s visitors to Broadhurst Park from France, Switzerland, China, Austria, Germany, Slovakia and various other points East and West will no doubt attest – we do alright.

This week we’re delighted to welcome back Vegan Ronay, who’ll be dishing up homemade curry from Stu from the Bay’s Caravan of Grub while Stu himself Screenshot_20190213-175637_Twitterdoles out portions of Westwell’s goodness. And it’s not just the tater ‘ash and the pies that’ll be coming over from East Manchester on Saturday. Also skirting Clayton Vale as they head West-North-West for M40 will be Stray Sunshine. This newly-formed fourpiece are almost certainly the most cosmopolitan popular music combo to emerge from Droylsden yet. Uniquely for the East Manchester music scene they boast a guitarist from the Wirral and a Russian drummer. They admit to Rolling Stones influences but assure us there’s a Manchester vibe to their guitar-driven sound. We reckon they’ll fit right in at Malcolmses. And as if that wasn’t enough to tempt you, we welcome back poet Geneviève L. Walsh, who blew us away on her last appearance at Broadhurst Park in December.

Here’s what we’ve got in store for you this time round:

1.00 Doors open Make sure you get down early, we’re packing a lot in this week

1.30 Si kicks things off

1.40 Quiz by George Irwell Our resident quizmaster was shocked and ashamed to discover that one team scored a mighty ten out of eleven last week. Well done to Brian Pendlebury and his knowledgeable crew, but be warned: Karl’s been muttering about needing to make it a bit harder next time
 
1.55 Geneviève L. Walsh Last time she appeared at CYCM Geneviève saved the day, stepping up with a full-length set from her wonderful collection Dance of a Thousand Losers after the band had to pull out at the last moment. This time she’ll be treating us to just eleven minutes. Don’t miss a word. Her poems – in Joy France’s words – are ‘like Geneviève herself: strong yet sensitive, clever yet accessible, dark yet resplendent with colour.’ We can’t argue with a word of that

2.15 Stray Sunshine Twenty-five minutes of rock ‘n roll to send you out revved up to roar on United

3.00 Our red shirted heroes take to the pitch to do battle with Guiseley

Genevieve Walsh

Just so you know: CYCM’s home is under the St Mary’s Road End terrace and entrance is free, just head to the turnstiles at the St Mary’s Road End of the ground but try and get there as early as possible as we’re anticipating it’s going to get busy. We’ll be located about two- thirds of the way down the SMRE. So if you’ve never been to CYCM before and are curious to find out what it’s all about then please feel free to join us and have a nosey
– the more the merrier, the rest of us will just have to shuffle up a bit. Usual rules apply: no divviness, nuclear weapons or anyone who doesn’t do a little sick every time they think about Phillip Green’s weird permed mullet. Refugees welcome.

CYCM 09/02/19: Maitland Season Begins in Earnest
February 6, 2019 – 1:57 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 09/02/19: Maitland Season Begins in Earnest

Spring: what a time of year to be human. You get to kiss goodbye to the long johns, the melancholy that envelopes you as the sun dips before tea time disappears, and your olfactory nerves …

Munich, Jimmy Murphy and the Suez Crisis
February 6, 2019 – 1:10 am | No Comment | by:
Munich, Jimmy Murphy and the Suez Crisis

On arrival at the ground Murphy thought briefly how quiet the place seemed compared to normal and headed to his office. It was only when there that the dreadful news was relayed to him by Alma George, his secretary.

CYCM 26/01/19: Two Beers Resolution
January 22, 2019 – 3:49 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 26/01/19: Two Beers Resolution

A new year. A fresh opportunity. The chance to tear it all up and start again. You’re gonna start going to the gym aren’t you? Always fancied a six pack. You’re gonna be more organised …

NEW YEAR’S EVE IS SHITE! – THE STARTLING TRUTH
December 31, 2018 – 11:58 am | 2 Comments | by:
NEW YEAR’S EVE IS SHITE! – THE STARTLING TRUTH

A new survey has revealed shocking evidence that could put an end to the world’s biggest party and make millions of revellers look completely stupid.
Professor Solomon Shellac of Manchester University has finally published the results …

Anthropocene
December 30, 2018 – 10:43 am | No Comment | by:
Anthropocene

The Anthropocene, what is it? Where is it? And can you eat it? These burning questions lay heavy on the minds of the population. In the long tradition of this journal’s love of strange and …

CHRISTMAS IS SHITE – IT’S OFFICIAL
December 24, 2018 – 3:36 pm | No Comment | by:
CHRISTMAS IS SHITE – IT’S OFFICIAL

A new study by a leading Manchester University professor and his team has proved what all Christians feared – that Christmas is shite. Dr. Solomon Shellac of UMIST made the startling discovery after researching all …

CYCM 15-12-18: 1512 Overture
December 12, 2018 – 6:21 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 15-12-18: 1512 Overture

Christmas tunes are mostly bobbins aren’t they. Wham, Cliff Richard, Mariah Carey, Shakin’ bloody Stevens, to name but a few, played on a seemingly never ending loop in shops, pubs and on the wireless from …

KYKM 08/12/18: Kris Kringle All The Way
December 4, 2018 – 6:19 pm | No Comment | by:
KYKM 08/12/18: Kris Kringle All The Way

Here’s a fun game for you all: name a person more famous than Father Christmas. Go on, I’ll just nip to the kitchen, make a brew and check if that slightly pongy pack of ham …

On the 12th year of Christmas my non-blue love said to me….
November 20, 2018 – 3:13 pm | No Comment | by:
On the 12th year of Christmas my non-blue love said to me….

Twelve years after the publication of the first, and still to this day, best of all FC United-related books, An Undividable Glow, we recently received this review from a reader:
‘A brilliant book and a must …

CYCM 17/11/18: Red Bed Redemption
November 13, 2018 – 10:12 am | No Comment | by:
CYCM 17/11/18: Red Bed Redemption

Mid-November: awkward time of the year, innit? Caught in a dark, drizzly limbo between Bonfire Night and the oncoming madness of Christmas, it’s tempting to sack it all off, get your Hygge on, and just …

CYCM 13/10/18: The Darlington Buds of Malcs
October 10, 2018 – 4:12 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 13/10/18: The Darlington Buds of Malcs

Eggs. Wind. News. Arsenal’s unbeaten record in 2004. All things that are, we think you’ll agree, much better when they are broken. And what with us being a breakaway football club we tend to have …

In seventy seven it was Docherty, in twenty eighteen it’s the SMRE…
September 4, 2018 – 2:39 pm | No Comment | by:
In seventy seven it was Docherty, in twenty eighteen it’s the SMRE…

Unless you’ve been holed up in a darkened room avoiding the Mancunian heat this summer it surely can’t have escaped your notice that changes have been afoot under the St Mary’s Road End terrace as …

Making friends, not millionaires
August 17, 2018 – 7:49 pm | No Comment | by:
Making friends, not millionaires

A piece from a recent edition of FC United of Manchester’s matchday programme on the club’s work in developing participation in sporting and other activities in the local community during 2017-18…
Some supporters may be unaware …

Slow Readers, ace musicians (yes we have used a very similar headline before, so what?)
May 10, 2018 – 12:18 pm | No Comment | by:
Slow Readers, ace musicians (yes we have used a very similar headline before, so what?)

The Slow Readers Club have this week released their third album and are finally getting a bit of ‘attention’ from people other than music fans in Manchester.
Course You Can Malcolm, the club night in the …

CYCM 11/05/18: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Callow
May 7, 2018 – 5:18 pm | No Comment | by:
CYCM 11/05/18: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Callow

CYCM returns to the function room at Broadhurst Park on the evening of Friday 11 May with something old, something new, something borrowed and … something blue.
One of our favourite turns from our Gigg …

Your song. Munich 60 years on
February 4, 2018 – 1:33 pm | No Comment | by:
Your song. Munich 60 years on

By John Ludden
Ever since British European Flight 609 careered off the end of Munich runway and killed outright seven Manchester United footballers and many other poor souls on board, the amount of tears shed for …

Long shadow still falls on us all, 60 years on
February 1, 2018 – 11:26 am | No Comment | by:
Long shadow still falls on us all, 60 years on

Next weekend, a crowd will gather outside Old Trafford, as it always does before the home match nearest the anniversary, to remember the 23 people who died, 60 years since that European Cup tie against Red Star Belgrade.

City’s owners: Sheikhs, lies and videotapes
January 11, 2018 – 7:51 pm | No Comment | by:
City’s owners: Sheikhs, lies and videotapes

Now that Manchester City look to be on the brink of an era of domination, at least in England, it’s perhaps time to take another look at who is really behind this project and why.

Frenzy
December 22, 2017 – 1:06 pm | No Comment | by:
Frenzy

I went to Asda to buy my Christmas crap, chocolate, biscuits, Hummus and booze, a traditional Christmas feast. And also tea bags. However, I had to literally fight my way to the tea bags, ram a path to the chocolate, bludgeon my way down the biscuit isle and mount an armed assault in the bread isle.

Survey reveals that Christmas is shite
December 16, 2017 – 7:11 am | No Comment | by:
Survey reveals that Christmas is shite

A new study by a leading Manchester University professor and his team has proved what all Christians feared – that Christmas is shite. Dr. Solomon Shellac of UMIST made the startling discovery after researching all …